I had a friend ask me today "How do you know if you're a narcissist? The more I learn about them, the more I feel I might be one."
God knows I've been in this same exact line of thought too many times to count. I have lots of narcissistic tendencies, esp. due to the fact there was nobody to emotionally raise me and I was stuck doing it myself. So from a very young age, I had to learn how to cope with abuse and neglect on my own. What kid in that position would NOT become more selfish than others their own age?
Also then you add in the fact I was an only child, so it was a recipe for selfishness disaster.
But here is how I answered my friend today:
"I
would have to say that if you think you are one, you're not. Because the
true narcissist cannot even for one moment fathom being something other
than always right. If you admit you're a narcissist, then that would
prove you are wrong.
Now, if you were RAISED by a narcissist (OR have a
codependent personality and have been around narcissists, whether
raised or dated them or were friends with some), you will have
narcissistic tendencies. These are not TRUE tendencies, but learned.
So if you can look at yourself and say "Wow, that's just not right I do
that" (Which I do it all the time LOL), you just have learned tendencies.
Narcissists also borderline on being sociopathic (and sociopaths usually
ARE narcs, but not all narcs are sociopaths) because there is no
remorse. Do you have remorse for the things you do wrong? If so,
again, not a real narc. Narcs only have remorse when they are trying to
get something out of you, because they will be sure to do it right away
again if doing the bad thing helps them to get what they want. (But its not REAL remorse, mind you.)
So
no apology is a REAL apology with a narc. Everything is selfish for
them. "How will this look to others?" "How will this benefit me?"
These are the questions they ask before EVERY single action they take.
Even
love for their own children, if it benefits them, they will "pretend"
to give it. If it doesn't, they will abandon that love and manipulate
said children into guilt or whatever they can to get what they want out
of them."
So if you feel real remorse, if you can feel real love (without strings attached), if you can admit when you're wrong (EVEN WHEN its not in your best interest to), if you can do things that have absolutely no benefit to you....I highly doubt you're a narc.
But the fact anyone of us can ask this of ourselves? Means we are capable of change. Whereas a real narcissist cannot.
Yay us!
