I want to tell you right now, right off the bat, that the bad thoughts you have about your mother are completely normal.  And they are okay.

We all have them. 

Sometimes, we can imagine what it's like to live without her in our lives anymore.  Sometimes we can imagine what it will be like after they are dead.  Other times we might wish them dead.  And some of us?  While it sounds scary or gross, some of us may even imagine killing our mothers (I don't, but I can imagine how some people would). 

Sounds scary, but according to psychology, that doesn't make us sick or murderers or even homicidal.  As long as we do not go through the act, or physically plan it out, we're good.  And the part that may shock you, is that it's actually kind of normal. 

Fantasizing or daydreaming about something evil happening to someone else doesn't make us insane or bad people. 

I used to imagine running my ex-boyfriend over with a car right after we broke up.  I thought to myself "If I see him on the street, I will run my car off the road and just run him over."  His deception made me feel crazy with anger.  Granted, had I really saw him on the road, I can tell you right now that I would not had run him over.  I would have though about it for a moment, but actually going through with it?  I just don't have the stomach for murder.  Yuck.  (He eventually found me on Facebook and really apologized, so I am glad he never got ran over haha!)

I have bad thoughts about my mom (not murdery thoughts, tho, just to be clear).  It's sad, but every ambulance that runs past our house, I secretly wonder if it's for her.  I also daydream about her funeral.  And when someone tells me a way to help my mom's dementia get better?  I think to myself "As if I want her to get better....".  Granted, other people's thoughts about their mother may be 100x worse than mine, or may have never had a bad thought about them at all. 

But no matter what you think or feel about your mother, good or bad, you're normal.  So don't feel like you're a freak or a jerk for thinking bad things about her.  It happens to most of us.





Sidenote: Although if you feel that you may act on your bad thoughts, please consult your doctor or a therapist right away.