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Finally, I broke it off with the unaware flying monkey....

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*sigh*  Why did it take me this long?  I don't know.  I had a dream last night I forgave her.  I had the dream and I woke feeling PISSED!  I had a conversation last night with my mom's BFF (who pretends to be my friend) and all I heard about was how this "friend" betrayed my trust AGAIN, for billionth time, and told my mother everything I said the last few times I've talked to her.  AND she keeps lying that 4 years ago she only told my mother "one thing" I said, which is a lie, because she told her everything I said.  AND she was angry with me for lying to her about it all.  But, that's not an issue for me, that was 4 years ago, but she keeps saying "only one thing" over and over again, so I had to set her straight.

Another thing, yesterday my mother said to her "Why do you stay friends with me if you believe her?" (meaning me).  I didn't say anything, but I agree with my mother on that point.  Why does she stay friends with her?  I think she likes the drama and chaos. 

So, last night's dream made me realize: this isn't working anymore.  I can't do this.  And I don't want anything associated with either of them anymore. 

So I sent her a message on Facebook today that was a long time coming:

__________________________________________________________________________

Hey (umaware flying monkey), this is (Girl Lost). I was going through my journal from back 4 years ago. I knew that what we were talking about wasn't 100% accurate, so I thought I'd refresh your memory. So when my mother asked you about what I said back then, you did tell her everything....so much so that my mother convinced you that I was lying and you were really REALLY angry with me. She got into your head and had you believe that I was a pathological liar. So no, you didn't just tell her one thing, you did tell her everything. Which is fine....I am not angry about it, because at the time, you had no idea what was going on. But I just wanted you to be aware of what actually happened. I had to talk to you to get you to understand that I wasn't lying to you about her and that everything I said was true. I had also forgotten that you were angry with me, but now after reading it, I do remember. Again, no big deal, just wanted to make sure we had our facts right. Here is also what she said to you:

NM: What did she say about me?
You: I can't tell you, you'll be angry
NM: Oh yeah? I'll be angry if you DON'T tell me!

I wrote all of this down back then, I've been keeping a journal for the past four years all about the things she's said and done to me.
Also, she said this to me:
I said to my mother "Why did you let him hit me?"
She said "You should have protected yourself."
I said "I was just a child."
She said "If that were your husband, who would you protect?"
I screamed at the top of my lungs "MY CHILD!!! I WILL ALWAYS PROTECT MY CHILDREN!!!" ---

My mother is 100% right on one thing though: if you believe me, then why ARE you friends with someone who would act like this?

Someone who lies about everything? Someone who betrays your trust? Someone who abuses her family? You say you like her, but why? Why would you be okay with these things? You deserve better friends than that. When my father punched me in the face when I was 17, she told me 4 years ago "Well, you should have protected yourself." Why would you want to be friends with a piece of shit person like that?

Yet....here I am, always nice to you, and the only time you ever want to talk to me is to ask me to do something for you OR to talk about my mother. You go garage sale-ing with my mother, go to Bob's....but never call me to do those things. The MINUTE my mother started paying you attention? Was the minute you stopped wanting to do anything with me at all. I don't get it. But this is it....I can't do this anymore. You are a good person, but if you are going to support my mother, after ALL she's done to me and you, I can't be your friend anymore.

And NO, my mother cannot call me for a ride to the ER. She can give everything to BM, because I don't want anything of hers. I don't want to hear anything about my mother again. I tell you, OVER AND OVER again to NOT tell my mother the things we talk about, but you still do, every single time. Yet you can obey Tina's order to not tell people about her, but you can't show that same respect to me. I don't get it. But I am not going to make you chose between me and my mother. You can have her. And I am done.

And no, it's not a journal, it's a blog, and it's open to the public, and everything my  mother has ever done these past four years, everything she's said, is open to the public to read.  And copies of all her shitty letters she's given me with the awful things she's said.  So yes, go ahead and tell her that.  Because I know you will.  You tell her everything I say anyways.

________________________________________________________________________


As you can see, in the beginning, I wasn't as angry.  But the more and more I thought about our conversation yesterday and all the other conversations for the past five months since going no contact with my mother, I realized that this was inevitable.  I just couldn't be friends with her anymore.  I mean, I've said this out loud 100 times....it was a plan to eventually come to fruition, I just didn't think it would be today.  Though, to be honest, I had no idea when the right moment would come.  So today was always in the cards.

I will say, this will be sent to her "other" email box, so she'll probably not see it for long time (or maybe she'll see it right away?).  But at least I send it.  And if she calls me, I will inform her that I sent her a FB message.  And that will be that. 

Will she leave me alone without a fight?  Probably not.  She seems to thrive on drama. 

My only choice is to leave town LOL  For real.....I live in the same neighborhood as my mother and all these flying monkeys....but yesterday I went to Walmart and ran into another narcissist (an old friend of mine) who I had to run away from (she kept eyeballing me and speaking in low tones to her husband).  I hate being in the same town as a slew of assholes, so I can't wait to fucking leave. 

Anyone know where we can move to? LOL
 
UPDATE 2021: She showed my  mother this message immediately and we tried to move 500 miles away, but ended up homeless.  And now we're living with her.  So yeah, stupid ass move, Shay!  This letter I sent her turned out to take the second half of 2018 and completely ruin our lives.  So please, do not send shitty emails to people.  You never know what will happen. 


About Post Author

Living life with with a narcissistic parent is one of the hardest things a child can do. Because narcissism doesn't stop with mom and dad, it usually bleeds through the entire extended family dymanic. And the abuse travels with us into adulthood, usually either until the narcissist dies or we go no contact. And usually, our abuse is never talked about, for fear of retaliation or judgment. So I am breaking my silence and showing the world what my mother's abuse looks like so maybe others will feel strong enough to do the same.

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Welcome to Girl Lost.


I am a daughter of a narcissistic mother, one of way too many in this world. If you're here, then you have one too. I hope by reading my words someone out there will realize they aren't alone.

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