So yesterday my son was switching the doorknobs on his room and the bathroom, because his room's doorknob has a lock on it and the bathroom did not.  He just took it upon himself to get some screwdrivers and just do it himself without asking for help.  I thought that was pretty cool.  But of course, my  mother says "What are you even doing?"

He replies that he wants a lock on the bathroom door (this has been something he's wanted since we moved in, but yesterday he walked in on me using the toilet, so it cemented the fact we really need a lock on the door--it didn't bother me, but my son is super private and always has been).

So rather than just responding "Oh, okay" or some other benign normal answer, she says in an incredulous voice "What?  Who needs a lock on a bathroom door?  I mean, I don't need one."  Then she turns to me and asks in an equally annoying voice "Do you need a lock on the bathroom door?"

I didn't answer because inside I was seething.  Moving in with my mother has brought up all sorts of horrible memories from my childhood that she keeps triggering with her comments and actions.  So when she said this to my son and then turned it to me, all I could think about was as a child she had absolutely no respect for my privacy at all.  Growing up, the only door in our entire house that locked was my bathroom door.  I used that lock regularly because for some reason my mother thought it was acceptable to walk in on me taking a shower or going to the bathroom whenever she pleased.  And many times, if I locked the door, my mother would get a skewer and pop it into the lock to open it at her will.

We had glass shower doors with no shower curtain.  So I'd put up towels so I'd have my own makeshift curtain so whenever they'd come in, I'd have some privacy.  So what did my mother do?  She'd pick on me for doing so, as though I was being ridiculous.  She still to this day picks on me for it.  So when she started in on my son, I should have stood up to her and said something, but I didn't.  I just ignored her because my son was busy changing the doorknobs and also ignoring her.  I feel like I have to pick and choose my battles in our new house because otherwise I'll be yelling at her 24/7.
I'm also having trouble accessing my feelings other than this pervasive numbness that has taken over me since we started moving.  My mother is trying to control every little thing and I feel like I'm going crazy most days trying to find my happiness amidst her complaining and bitching and cruel words.

Thing is, she can be amazingly nice some days.  But I'm still numb on those days because I know it's short-lived and momentary.

The biggest issue I had with my mother repeating that she doesn't need a lock on the bathroom door (and let's be clear here, it's the boys' bathroom, she doesn't even use it) is that, like I said, growing up the bathroom door was the only door that locked in our house.  So, other than closets and under beds, that was my hiding place to keep my dad from beating me.  He would chase me around the house, screaming "WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!!!"  He never did.  I could easily outrun a drunk who could barely stand, much less run.  So I needed that lock on the door for more than just privacy (which is important), I needed it for sheer survival.

And she knows privacy has always been important to me.  That's why she directed the question to me.  She wanted me to answer truthfully so she could pick on me.  That's who she is lately.  Living with her is proving to be a huge ordeal for me.

Here's the funniest part about all of us: her bathroom has a lock!  The door doesn't shut right, but it still has a workable lock for when the door is fixed.  AND she has a shower curtain.  Something I never had growing up.  I should put up a see-thru shower curtain for her and see how she likes it LOL  But I'm not like that.  I don't invade other people's privacy.  I respect it.  I know how it feels to be completely shamed for wanting it.  I don't get it.  I guess it gives her power to take away the privacy of others.  It's disgusting.

But now my kids have a lock on their bathroom door.  So I guess whatever she wanted to bitch about didn't matter, did it?

Whatever she wants to complain about, she can just keep on complaining, as it won't change how we live our lives.  If we want locks on our doors?  We'll have them (speaking of that, I need one on mine too, as she likes to open my door without knocking quite regularly).  If we want privacy in any way, shape or form?  She can say what she likes.  All we need to do is laugh and shake our heads and do what we want anyways.

And if she wants to know why my son wants a lock on his bathroom door?  I should flat out bring up the time she let a scuzzy repairman into the bathroom TO TAKE A PISS while he was taking a bath!  So yeah.  I wonder why feels like his privacy has been violated?  I would never trust her again if I were him.  And I don't trust her.  I never have and never will.  So we all need locks when we have narcs in the house.  On all our bedroom and bathroom doors.  Because if there's one thing a narcissist knows, it's invading our privacy and a need for control.