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NPD Usually Isn't Their Only Diagnosis

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There are so many things out there that seem to walk hand in hand with NPD.  Not all of our parents have all the same ones, but if you do some research, you'll find that I bet they have many.  Now, you can do your own research and bring your findings to your therapist, which in turn can lead you to either just feeling better knowing what's exactly wrong with them, or maybe you could even get a diagnosis from their doctors (though highly unlikely, and be careful they don't tell them what you're up to).  My mom saw a therapist when I was no contact with her the last time.  And that therapist convinced her I had bipolar 1.  There's nothing wrong with being bipolar, but she was going around telling her friends that I had this and now they all still think I have it, which is mental health shaming.  She was using it as way to let people know I was crazy, and to not believe the stuff I was saying about what she and my father did to me as a child.  I do not have bipolar 1 or any kind of bipolar, but I am sure her therapist giving her diagnosis of me to my mother was due to my mother's lies about who I was and why did the the things I did.  

So if you do take your findings to your therapist and she or he agrees with you, there is never a reason to go around and tell others what you find out (other than NPD, and only share that if the situation calls for it...and be prepared that it'll get back to your parent, as it did with my mom).  Getting a diagnosis from your therapist without them seeing your parent is not an actual diagnosis.  Remember that.  You, in your heart of hearts, can deeply know and accept your mother or father has one or all of these disorders.  You know them better than anyone.  So I get accepting it as fact.  But use that information to heal you rather than use it against them (unless you're involved in a court case or something, then share that info with your lawyer).  Okay?  We are not narcissists.  So do not play the narcissist's games.  Healing yourself is the only thing you can control about the situation.  

So here are some comorbid conditions that can walk hand in hand with NPD: 


Histronic Personality Disorder

You need 5 of these for a diagnosis, as well as cause an impairment for the person.

  • Self-centeredness, feeling uncomfortable when not the center of attention
  • Constantly seeking reassurance or approval
  • Inappropriately seductive appearance or behavior
  • Rapidly shifting emotional states that appear shallow to others
  • Overly concerned with physical appearance, and using physical appearance to draw attention to self
  • Opinions are easily influenced by other people, but difficult to back up with details
  • Excessive dramatics with exaggerated displays of emotion
  • Tendency to believe that relationships are more intimate than they actually are
  • Is highly suggestible (easily influenced by others)

My mother has all except two.  This explains sooooo much of her behavior, and it's getting worse with age.  This is a Cluster-B personality disorder, as is NPD.  Here are some links that explain more: 





OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder)


This is not to be confused with OCD, which is an anxiety disorder.   

  • perfectionism to the point that it impairs the ability to finish tasks
  • stiff, formal, or rigid mannerisms
  • being extremely frugal with money
  • an overwhelming need to be punctual
  • extreme attention to detail
  • excessive devotion to work at the expense of family or social relationships
  • hoarding worn or useless items
  • an inability to share or delegate work because of a fear it won’t be done right
  • a fixation with lists
  • a rigid adherence to rules and regulations
  • an overwhelming need for order
  • a sense of righteousness about the way things should be done
  • a rigid adherence to moral and ethical codes


Paranoid Personality Disorder


My birthfather has this.  My anxiety, when it's at its worst, I find myself becoming paranoid.  When I was pregnant with my oldest, I had to stop watching Unsolved Mysteries because I was starting to suspect all my neighbors of being murderers LOL  When I am not anxious, my mind is only paranoid when it's normal to be paranoid.  But I assume I got my small amounts of paranoia from him (as a child, when my anxiety got really bad--like when my parents would leave me home alone without telling me all the time, I would be terrified someone was going to break into the house and kill and/or rape me, and they'd come home to find me hiding under the kitchen table, scared out of my mind...yet, they still left me home alone quite regularly).  He has NPD and Paranoid Personality Disorder and he has all the symptoms listed below, which are listed on the DSM: 
 
Pervasive distrust and suspicion of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:
  • Suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming, or deceiving him or her.
  • Is preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or associates.
  • Is reluctant to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against him or her.
  • Reads benign remarks or events as demeaning or threatening.
  • Persistently bears grudges (such as is unforgiving of insults, injuries, or slights).
  • Perceives attacks on his or her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily or to counterattack.
  • Has recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding fidelity of spouse or sexual partner.
You can read all about him in my memoir "To All The Narcissist I've Known Before", which will be out later this year. 



Borderline Personality Disorder


Also a part of the Cluster-B disorders.  Not all people who have BPD have NPD, but many of those with NPD, do have BPD, too.  

  • An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
  • A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
  • Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
  • Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
  • Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
  • Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
  • Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety
  • Ongoing feelings of emptiness
  • Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights
I am pretty sure my mother has this as well.  This seems to mimic bipolar 2, which I always thought my mother had, but her depression only happens when she's missing out on her narcissistic supply or when she's ill (situational depression).  This makes more sense than bipolar.  Her "manic" symptoms are daily of risky behavior is daily, rather than a cycle.  Though her mood swings are a cycle, which are always very sporadic, and usually have something to do with her getting narcissistic supply (getting it or not getting it).  She's never once threatened suicide, but will guilt you to the point of her saying something similar.  

Here are some links: 




The mind is a tricky terrain.  You normally just don't have one disorder, as many of them overlap and many of them just seem to show up together.  Our narcissistic parents will more than likely have more than one disorder, but for them, they won't admit to having any at all.  They lack introspection and cannot see the damage they cause with the choices they make.  So to them, everyone else has the issue, instead of them.  But we see it.  And we're the ones left dealing with them.  So the more you educate yourself on these disorders, the more you can understand what's going on.  And the more you understand, the more you can detach.  And the more you detach, the more you realize it's not you, it's them.  It's always been them.  You're just there going along for the ride.  But if we can step away from that chaotic roller coaster, we can immerse ourselves in a world of calm and peace and start to heal.  Which is all we can do.  We can't control how they treat us, but we can control how we react and how we respond.  And we can control how much we expose ourselves to their behavior.   

I hope this blog post helps you a little on your search for the truth.  Knowledge is power.  Use it wisely.  



Here are some other links on dual-diagnoses or comorbidity in NPD: 





About Post Author

Living life with with a narcissistic parent is one of the hardest things a child can do. Because narcissism doesn't stop with mom and dad, it usually bleeds through the entire extended family dymanic. And the abuse travels with us into adulthood, usually either until the narcissist dies or we go no contact. And usually, our abuse is never talked about, for fear of retaliation or judgment. So I am breaking my silence and showing the world what my mother's abuse looks like so maybe others will feel strong enough to do the same.

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Welcome to Girl Lost.


I am a daughter of a narcissistic mother, one of way too many in this world. If you're here, then you have one too. I hope by reading my words someone out there will realize they aren't alone.

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