Now, I know I said that I am trying to take her behavior more as dementia than as personal attacks, and I really am.  But sometimes I can see her delusional behavior rear its ugly head and it still bothers me.  I wish it didn't.  I know that with more mindful practice of changing my mindset from "attacking" or "on purpose" behavior to "dementia" behavior will eventually get to me the point where nothing she says bothers me.  I did that with my ex-husband.  With him, I made a choice one day to not let a single thing he said bother me anymore.  I said to myself "I always expect him to be normal, a normal parent and a normal person.  But he keeps letting me down, so from this day on, I will never again expect anything normal from him again.  That way, he'll just be who I think he is, and I won't be angry over being let down anymore."  And it worked.  Nobody understood my mindset, they all said "Well, doesn't it make you angry he did this or that?"  I would say "Nope.  That's what I expect of him.  What else was he going to do?"  Mainly it was him neglecting our children, not showing up, or when he did have them, he'd do something stupid.  So if I expected him to do something stupid, how could he disappoint me?  

That being said, I did not still live with him when this was going on.  In fact, I hardly ever heard from him.  So it was easy to let go of his actions, since I only had to deal with him on a quarterly or less basis.  But when someone lives with you?  It's not so easy.  

Here are some of the things she's delusional about: 

• She thinks she'd going to live in his house until she dies, and I'm going to take care of her.  Too bad I've told her a billion times she'd going into a home when the time comes (when she's wheelchair bound or otherwise--or perhaps even sooner, if we can get our shit straight to buy our own place).  
• She thinks she'd going to be mentally healthy for a very long time.  She always makes comments about buying stuff and how in a couple years she'll be here to see it (like plants or the car, etc.).  This may be wishful thinking on her part, but I doubt it.  I know my mother and how she works.  She lives in a fantasy world and only operates from that space.  Now, I am not the asshole who's going to burst her bubble and say "Well, you do realize your dementia is going to take your brain before that, right?"  I don't even tell her when she says something crazy, I just nod my head and say okay, because I know how scary it must be to realize you're losing your mind.  But to wholly not accept it, as though the word "dementia is okay to admit she has, but the act of dementia--the symptoms, and the outcome, has nothing to do with her at all.  She compartmentalizes these things, separates them into boxes in her brain: one she can think about, one she refuses to admit even exists.  Denial is a type of delusion.  It's a made up way to think so she doesn't have to face the truth.  And then I'm stuck having to deal with her immaturity based on this delusion.  I'm stuck having to make the choice of saying why these things she wants to are impossible.  Do I make something up?  Do I speak the truth?  Do I play a game of roundabout?  What is the right choice in any given situation?  I never know and sometimes regret whatever choice I make.  I really resent having to be put in the position to have to do that.  Again, I would not resent it if it were only "dementia related behavior".  But it's not.  It's narcissism.
• She thinks she can still tell me what to do, as though we're co-creators of my life, and anyone's life that she's currently talking to.  Also known as "meddling".  She's been this person since day one.  She thinks that if you tell her something, she has the right to "give you advice" as though you even asked for it.  And if you don't do what she says, she gets angry and will hound you until you do what she says.
• And this brings me to the last thing she'd delusional about (though she has many more things I could talk about it, but they aren't relevant in this post), is that she still thinks she's in control of financial choices for this house (or in her life in general).  I thought I made it clear by taking control of her money that she's not.  But I guess not.  I guess the next step will be flat out tell her that she's not the financial decision maker anymore.