Today I finished another workbook/guided journal I've been working on and uploaded it online.  I am super excited about it, but then again, I am super excited about everything I make LOL  This is my fourth book this month.  One is a big coloring book that I am super excited about getting in the mail soon.  One is a project journal, another is a full color guided journal, and this one is black and white, also a guided journal.  So instead of painting, I worked on that instead, as while I love to paint, I need to actually get my work done.  Granted, I have made four books this month, written four memoirs in a year, and now I have two non-fiction self-help books for healing from narcissistic abuse that I am not fully finished with, but i will be soon.  2020 and 2021 have been my most productive years in my entire life, when it comes to creating.  I can't believe I've done so much, as I have ADHD and am the queen of unfinished projects.  I guess I just wasn't working on the right things!  

Anyways, today mother was very agreeable.  She had a conversation with her old BFF, I don't have a name for her yet, but maybe one day I will in a new book.  But after that, she seemed like she was in a better mood today.  Though, unlike the past, I am really trying hard to not let her moods affect me, good or bad.  The only way today it did affect me was that she was joking around with me left and right, so I joked around right back.  That's the dynamics of our relationship.  We laugh together.  We haven't laughed together in a very long time.  That part was nice.  

She opened my door twice today, but I just ignored it because nowadays, I am truly wondering if it's her dementia.  Though, even if it's not, it's mentally better for me to let it go than fight her tooth and nail to get her to stop.  Now, if she was coming into my room while doing it?  I'd have cared.  A lot.  But she's just letting dogs in.  

So, mantra for today is "Let it go.  Let it go.  Be one with the ice and snow."  Or more so, let it go, and use radical acceptance instead of getting angry.  Here is a great article on this.  I can't change my mother's narcissism, nor her dementia, so some situations, I just need to let go.  And if they get worse, I can address them then, but a once in awhile thing, I can just learn how to ignore it.  The ONLY issue I ever had with her opening my door is that she uses it to invade my privacy, interrupt what I am doing, and at one point, when we first moved in, to harass me (though I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what this is actually called when someone does this) by opening my door while I am dressing and refusing to leave when I tell her to, stating "You ain't got nothing I ain't seen before!", as though she owned my body and could do whatever she likes with it.  That was WAY over the line and she never did it again, after I flipped the fuck out about it.  But that doesn't mean she's changed.  She just doesn't want to be yelled at again.  But anyways, for now, it's just dogs and cats she's letting in.  Though while I will let it go for the most part, if she does it more often, or opens my door for any other reason, I will have to address it, as eventually it will lead to her coming into my room again.  

Here's a little song to go with today's mantra.  Snow's coming next week.  So I'm going to have to channel my inner Elsa soon and make me a snow castle to go live in, I mean, to practice radical acceptance and become who I was always meant to be.  And that's a person who shovels snow.  This damn coastal late fall tricks you into thinking it's nice out and BAM!  Snow.  Thanks Elsa.