Today I bought my mother something she couldn't use.  So she went into my bedroom when I wasn't in there and placed them on my bed.  Not just at the end of my bed, but at the front where I sleep.  So, she had to walk through my entire room to get there, knowing damn well I wasn't in there.  And she left a note on the item, stating she couldn't use them and that she has different ones she could use instead.  

She found me later (I was in my son's room while this happened) and told me what happened.  "I was talking to you, but you weren't there!  So, I left the package on your bed."  I had no idea what she was talking about, so I asked "You mean from the mail?"  "No, the items you bought me.  I can't use those, they give me a rash.  So, I have some up on the computer that I can use."  I said "Oh, I'll return those then and buy more later."  I went into my room and saw the package on the bed near my pillow with a note stuck on it."  If she thought I was in my room, why was there a note?  And why did she think she could just walk into my room without being invited, even if I was in there?  

She's in her room with her door closed right now, but when she comes out I will inform her if she ever has something for me again, a package or otherwise, to put it on the kitchen counter and not my bed.  She will say something like "I guess I'm not allowed in your room, then."  And I will reply "No, you are not."  

Ever since 2020 when we moved in here, she's treated my bedroom as though it's a part of HER domain.  She's barged in even if the door is closed.  And I've made enough of a stink (and locked it enough times--though I didn't have a lock when we first moved in) about it for her to stop doing it.  Once in a while she will just open my bedroom door without knocking but very seldomly anymore.  But today really bothered me because it just cemented the idea that I am not allowed to have my door open.  

Last week, I was working on some art projects at the other end of my room and my door was open.  I NEVER have it open, for fear of her coming in.  But I had it open and she walked in that night to tell me something stupid.  And since I knew this was most likely going to happen, I was ready for it and jumped to my feet and body blocked her from walking all the way in.  She didn't like it, but she knows she's not allowed in my room.  

Or rather, she suspects.  

In fact, I never have actually said those words to her.  I have never said "Ma, you're not allowed in my room, and you're not allowed to open my door."  I have issues with confrontation, especially with her or anyone I do not feel comfortable with confronting.  So instead, I show people what I want rather than ask for it.  But here's the real issue with telling her outright: I do tell her things outright and she will do the exact opposite on purpose just to defy me.  So I don't think not telling her has made my issues with her any worse.  In fact, I think she would have pushed back harder against my requests had I actually told her outright to either not come into my room or open my door herself.  Or maybe it would have been the same, as she pushed back pretty hard in the beginning anyways.  But today?  That was a complete violation of my privacy.  Because who knows who long she was in my room for?  She used to snoop around in my stuff when she used to come in.  And since she did it this once, that means she will feel she can do it again.  And again.  And I will have to start locking my door again when I leave the house.  But I think I will anyways, just to be safe.

So I have to nip this in the bud right now.  I have to make it clear she is not to enter my room, period.  But especially when I am not there.  And if my door is open, it is NOT an invitation for her to just waltz in, for any reason, even if I am in there.  

I hate this, but I have to be clear about my boundaries because I am not about to just allow her to do stuff like this and think she can do it again later.  No way, no how.  

Ugh.  

UPDATE:  She came out to smoke before dinner.  Which she does every single night, even though I hate when she yaks as me while I am cooking (if someone talks to me while I am cooking, I either mix up ingredients, or cut myself or mess something up...so I have to be alone to cook, unless it's my husband who will sit in the room quietly and read or do whatever).  She knows this and does it every single night on purpose to show me I am not the boss of her now (and I'm not so big).  

So I said to her "Hey, next time you need to give me something put it on the counter in the kitchen."  She started laughing "Oh, you don't like it when I go into your room?"  I said "No, I do not.  There is too much for you to fall over in there."  (and there it is folks, me making excuses so I don't have to admit the truth).  She replies "Oh, I was careful."  I had had enough, so I said the truth.  "Well, I do not care how careful you are, next time, put it on the counter, thank you."  She got all huffy and said "You just don't want me in your room."  Here was my chance to say my truth.  Finally.  So I said "No.  I do not."  "Well, you go in my room!"  "Not really, only if I have to."  "Well, everyone else is allowed in your room!!"  I said "You are not my child.  Well, you kind of are.  But still."  "Well, everyone else is allowed in there any time they want" she started chanting over and over again, in her childlike pouty voice.  I said "Yup."  "Well, I guess mothers don't count for anything."  By this time my two kids were quiet as mouses in the living room, listening to me stand up for myself.  Which made me happy.  They were already angry with her for throwing away their expensive G-Fuel container without asking them (it still had some left in it).  I replied to her while laughing "Oh, you're my granny."  I almost said "Mother?  Some mother you are."  But I didn't.  But I think got my point across.  This is the second time I've said this to her after she's said she's the "momma" of the house.  I'm going to start calling her granny anyways, because she is really not my mother in any way shape or form.  I had planned on doing this for a while and now is the perfect time. 

So she went outside to smoke and the kids yelled from the other room and said "Oh mom, mothers don't count for anything!" while laughing.  Not where she could hear them, they are careful about that.  And then my oldest son (who will be 24 next week) said "If I asked you not to come into my room, you wouldn't.  Ever.  You respect my privacy and my wishes.  Why can't she?"  But he already knows why.  But it felt good to have them on my side, because in the past they haven't been.  Not because they disagree with me (though sometimes they do), but because it embarrassed them and made them uncomfortable to have me stand up to her.  But now they get it.  

And now she's angry with me.  

Oh fucking well.  I was polite about it all and said my peace and now I will be punished.  And that's okay.  There's not much she can do to punish me anymore.  But she'll try.  It will crack me up if she tries that whole bit about "This is MY house!" and I will say a) this is MY room and b) what part about the house buying process did you participate in and what part of its upkeep do you participate in?  If she wants to play the "ownership" game with me, I will make her realize she's entirely useless.  Not in a cruel or mean way, but she literally has NOTHING to use against me anymore.  Not a damn thing.  She doesn't cook.  She doesn't clean.  She doesn't drive.  She doesn't do laundry.  She doesn't plan meals.  She doesn't fix stuff around the house (but she never did--not even when I was a kid).  She doesn't drive or do the grocery shopping.  She doesn't keep on top of or pay the bills.  She doesn't make the doctor's appointments.  She doesn't do anything.  Which is 100% fine, because she's old and sick and demented.  I do all of those things and then some.  But once in a while she pulls that "Well, this is MY house!" card in order to use something against me when she doesn't like my rules (and my rules are not crazy--it's like "don't go for walks by yourself" "don't go in the basement"--per her physical therapist's orders, etc.).  She has nothing else to threaten me with.  And the funny part is a) I am her medical and durable power of attorney, so she's not in charge of shit and b) if I did leave, she'd be in a home.  So, like I said, she has nothing to threaten me with anymore.  

If she does, I will instead just laugh and say "Normal parents do not threaten their children."  Because they don't.  Not their adult children, anyways.  And not for no goddamn reason, like she does.  

But whatever.  She now knows she's not allowed in here and that's that.  Until next time my door is open and she walks right in LOL  Cause y'all know that's gonna happen.  

UDATE UPDATE:  So apparently, she's back to who she was when I was a kid and has totally forgotten about it.  See, she doesn't have any power anymore, so she just pretends like nothing happened.  She used to hold grudges with me, back when she had power over me.  Now that I hold the power she just pretends like everything is fine when I make her mad.  She's been doing this for a while now, too.  So I guess I won't be punished.  It's so hard not to expect it anymore though.  I mean, it was less than a year ago she was still being cruel to me.  She's still cruel to my son, but only when I am not around.  But maybe if he hears me stick up for myself he'll do the same?  Tomorrow I will bring up the G-Fuel issue.  I can't even find it in the garbage to see if there's still powder in it.  I have no idea what she's done with it.  Sigh.