My mother gets a hair up her ass (what an odd saying that is) whenever my oldest son cooks.  So today, he was cooking low-carb peanut butter cookies and she came into the kitchen and bitched she couldn't make any coffee.  We have no idea why, but apparently, my son cooking means she can't do things.  So instead, she stood in the same exact place where she makes coffee and instead takes a long time to pour herself some coffee from her coffee thermos.  Um, if she can stand there and do that, why could she not stand there and make coffee?  

So she does this, and my son reaches in front of her and says in a really nice way (because he's always SUPER nice to her--something she doesn't get, he's the only one in the house who's that nice to her, yet she picks on him relentlessly at times) "Oh excuse me Grandma" when he needed to get into the drawer she was blocking.  She said "No, I'm not going to move.  You have to wait."  

So he did.  She finished and still didn't move.  He said "I need a spoon."  So she turns to him and gives him a creepy smile and pushes her side up to the drawer and won't move.  To her face, he was patient.  But inside?  He said "Oh, I could have smacked grandma today" LMAO  Not that he'd ever do anything like that, but sometimes you just think to yourself when she acts like this how much you want to just grab her and move her to where she needs to be.  

Then she turns forward towards the counter again and backs up and he reaches to open the drawer and she reaches down and opens it with him.  And then when he reached in to grab a spoon, she pushes her head into the view of the drawer, like she's inspecting it and then makes stupid faces about him getting a spoon.  

This is how my mother makes fun of what you're doing.  She acts like what you're doing is stupid and she makes stupid, exaggerated actions about you doing it.  Yet, if my youngest son is cooking, she makes a HUGE deal about how he needs to be a chef!!!  YET, if my oldest is cooking, he's a fucking nuisance to her.  Yet he's an amazing cook.  So is my youngest.  I raised two boys who know how to cook and both are great at it.  Granted, I cannot take any part of the credit at all, as they had to want to learn how to cook.  And I never taught them.  They learned from Gordan Ramsey.  So thank you to TV chefs who show kids every single day how awesome it is to make amazing food.  

Yesterday, my son made pork chops (I buy HUGE pork tenderloins and cut those huge fuckers into 1-inch thick chops).  I didn't eat them as they were spicy.  But he made two today, for him and his brother for lunch and OMFG one bit was not enough, but it was all I was allowed, as it wasn't my lunch.  Holy crap was it good (he made up his own seasoning).  Even the fat and I hate fat!!  Actually, the fat was the best part!  

But she did all this, and not once did she say "Good job, you're a great cook!" or "You should be a chef!" or "Wow, can you see how well your son cooks?" all of which she says about my youngest son when he cooks.  Nope.  She screams and yells at my oldest about how he's "dirtying down HER dishes she just washed" or "what a mess I'll have to clean up!" (yet she never has to clean up after him) or screams at him that he's doing it wrong.  Never a single compliment.  Just rude ass strange behaviors to show him she does not approve of his cooking in the kitchen.  One time she screamed at me "Tell YOUR son that he's got MY dishes in HIS room again!!"  I said "No, he doesn't (they were in my room, but I never told her).  I just went into his room and there were no dishes in there.   And by the way, they are MY dishes if you want to play the ownership game, as I bought them all."  She got so mad at that one she just threw the dish she was washing down and left the room.  Dumbass.  

From now on, when he cooks, I am going to leave my door open and come into the kitchen when I hear her in there, so I can either just be a presence that will stop her or put her in her fucking place if I have to.  He won't stand up to her (although he used to--when he was a teenager, but he's grown up so much since then), which is perfectly fine, because we each have own battles to fight in life, and we can choose to deal with them however we like.  I used to let her do what she liked, because I had to.  But I no longer have to, so if she wants to treat my son like shit?  Well, I will have something to say about it, as much as I can (without pissing off my kids).  Not enough to make him uncomfortable.  But enough to get her to stop.  If I have to talk to her alone about it, I will.  But I need to witness what's going on so she can't word salad me about it.  Which she will.  Even if I see it.  But if I see it, she can't argue with me (if I don't see it, she will refuse to listen to me and continue to lie about it).

After he was done making the cookies, he went and gave her some.  Because he's a really nice person who's nice to a grandma who treats him like garbage most of the time.  I hate when people treat him badly, because he, and his brother, both deserve love and goodness.  Especially from their stupid grandma.  

See, I already yelled at her about being mean to him.  So now she's doing it silently thinking I won't know if I don't hear her.  So much fun.  

But yeah, just another day in the life of living with an old and demented narcissist.  Where every day is a party and nobody is having any fun.  Wheeeeeee!!