This week I've rehomed 5 chickens (which was traumatizing, for both me and them LMAO), and spent a gigantic chunk of money on Halloween decorations.  It's hard when you start from nothing, after having a LOT, and try to work your way back up to where you used to be.  I will never be there, as we had a MASSIVE amount of Halloween decor, due to my uncle passing away and giving me all of his stuff.  But one day, I decided to be more "minimalistic" and get rid of it all.  What was I thinking?  Oh well.  Sometimes you have to start new so you can build new memories instead of holding onto the same 'ol stuff forever.  

I will say one thing: its anxiety inducing.  I want things to be perfect, but they never will be, at least not until I get into a groove.  And there is no "groove" your first time at anything.  Which is what gives me anxiety.  

Today I'm going to stuff dummies full of balloons.  Or at least try on one and save the rest of this weekend (I don't want them to pop).  And try out my new microUSB-to-HDMI cable on our projector to see if I can stream videos from my old phone instead of my computer (update: this does NOT work, you need a microUSB HDMI converter, not an HDMI cord--you need the kind you have to plug the HDMI cord into--which I ordered).  Our garage door is a perfect place for putting up spooky YouTube Halloween videos.  It's been SO freaking windy up here that we can't put out anything until almost Halloween, too.   It's very annoying.  I am also going to finish painting my "freaky dolls" that I just got from the Salvation Army to look like zombies and witches.  

Also, I have a migraine.  But I don't care.  It's a GORGEOUS day out today, perfect weather, so I will take some Tylenol and be done with it LOL  

Also, I am going to build a chicken coop in my garage for the winter.  So that will be fun.  Ugh.  Well, it will be when it's done.  

So much to do.  So little time.  I am just taking it all step by step and trying not to get too anxious or worked up about getting it all done.  Once Halloween is over, it won't matter anymore LOL  Though this year is the FIRST year we've been able to buy FULL-SIZED candy bars.  So that's exciting.  I just want our house to look awesome enough to match our awesome candy bars LOL  

On the mom/childhood trauma front, I've been working through some stuff.  I've come across something that has really pushed me to realize that I most likely was sexually molested.  We've also come across several things that point to the fact that my husband was most likely also sexually molested, not only by his narcissistic mother, but also his narcissistic brother.  Who my perpetrator is/was, is still something I need to remember.  But I am going to work on that again (I used to actively work on remembering this, and I would have dreams every single night about it) and see what I can find out.  

But for now, I am just trying to get things I need done.  It's been hard.  I have REALLY poor executive functioning issues, so it's so hard to find the energy (on top of having POTS and whatnot).  Also, my pain is flaring up again.  Which sucks.  This means every time I do anything, I am in so much pain I can't move.  I've been dizzy too.  I guess I am just having a POTS flareup.  Why now, I don't know.  But that's just the way it is.  

We may keep 4-5 chickens.  I am going to build their indoor coop and see how many will fit.  If I have to build two, I just may.  I am going to keep them in my garage all winter, as it's too cold to truck my ass out there each day to clean their coops, feed them, water them, and get their eggs.  After Halloween, that's what I'll be working on (at the same time, cleaning out the garage).  So, every day is a fucking party over here.  I am overwhelmed most days.  Mostly because I have very needy dogs, two of which are SENILE AS FUCK, and one is a puppy who is a nuisance who screams all the time (beagle screams).  I feel like my sanity is being sucked away by dogs LMAO  

Sigh.  Deep breaths.  Just relax.  

Okay.  Time to go finish cleaning.