So, her birthday and Mother's Day went by without her getting a card or a gift from me.  If you read the past two posts, you'd know why.  And she never said a word.  But then, as you read in my last post, she just decided to stop being mad at me, and not only started speaking to me again (after about 5 days or so blissful silence from her), but now she won't shut the fuck up.  

And then she gave me this card.  Mind you, I chose the card last year when I went to the Dollar Tree and got a huge mass of cards for her to send out to people on every subject.  So, she didn't pick the card out.  But she sure did write in it:

Happy Birthday,

I know I probably never say it enough but I really love you.  And so proud of you--And thank you is just a small word to thank you for all you do for me.

Love,

Mom  

Then, the card says it's printed stuff and she signs it "With all my love, Mom".  

Oh geezus.  Make me gag.  So, all these years where, she's written "Love ya!" on my cards, that really was on purpose.  So she knows exactly how to say things that nice moms say, but instead chose to say "love ya!" instead.  "Love ya!" is the phrase my mom picked up many years ago, in the mid twenty-teens.  It was a phrase her and one of the women in her posse, a woman named Valentine's, used to say to each other.  Valentine's was a user and a terrible person and a total idiot.  I feel mean saying that about her, but she really was.  Anyways, Valentine's, after her mother died, started calling my mother "mom" and "ma".  And my mom let her.  And the icing on the cake was that my mother and I had this thing we did, probably something a lot parents do with their own children which was throwing up the "I love you" sign in sign language to each other when I was leaving the house.  She started it and it was our "thing".  But then, out of the blue, one day she gave that to Valentine's.  I never did that with my mother again.  I refused to.  If our "special" thing was so easily given away?  Also, letting the crazy bitch call her mom?  Yeah.  I was done.  

When I went no contact with my mother in 2017, Valentine's died.  Then, Valentine's daughter, whom my mother hated with the fiery passion one normally would reserve for Hitler or Jeffery Dahmher, all of a sudden started coming around my mother.  So, my mother told this woman that she was her new daughter and the woman's kids were her new grandchildren.  And she posted all their pictures on her fridge.  Funny part?  The woman didn't have custody of her children and one of them was taken away from her at birth.  Then the woman got pregnant again and skipped town so child services wouldn't take her new baby away, like they did the last one.  

So, ladies and gents (do gents read my blog? probably not, but just in case),  I, like you, am purely replaceable.  And after I went no contact, my mother never once has signed a card "I love you" or "Love, Mom", it was always "Love ya, Mom".  And all those years I just knew that it was still a jab at me and every time I read it in a card, it just pissed me off and hurt my feelings.  But I did get used to it.  It's been awhile now.  

Then I get this stupid card, after what just happened.  And we all know it's only a manipulation to get back in my good graces.  And it's not going to work.  

And now my mother is super chatty at me and super hyper.  And I haven't really seen or spoken to her much this past week and now I am stuck with having to tell her to knock it off.  The other day I told her to STOP thanking me for making her dinner and gushing over how great it tastes.  We all know she has no sense of taste, so we know it's just a manipulation and it's fake as fuck.  But what I said to her is "it's just weird, nobody else in the house does that."  So, I wasn't here yesterday and she went to my husband and thanked him and gushed over the flavor of the food.  He said "I didn't cook this, Shay did."  She said "Well, she told me I can't thank her so I will thank you instead."  She knew he'd tell me so she's getting her way without defying what I asked.  So freaking manipulative.  I didn't mention it to her, and won't, because that's what she wants.  Unless she mentions it to me, which she might.  And then I will tell her how childish it was to do that.  But if she doesn't, I won't say a word.  

Anyways.  That's it for now.  I will write more later about all this, as I journaled some about it and will share it here, but I am tired of typing for now.  Though I will add that I did have a good birthday.  I spent the day cleaning out the garage to make room for my son's new kayak.  Now, that may sound like a chore, but in reality, I've been wanting clean that fucker out for months and now when I walk out there, I feel serene.  So, that was pretty rad.  And, I got some wonderful gifts from my hubby and kids, which I looooooove, so that was great, too.  She didn't ruin MY birthday, just hers.  Which was really freaking awesome.