So, my mother's BFF Christmas called me when we were on our way home from the store.  We had to go pick up a water cooler thingy because our water is contaminated with PFAs.  Then we stopped at the grocery store and came home.  And the reason C called was because she couldn't get through to my mother on her birthday.

So, I gave her her phone and C called just as I did.  Right before she called, my mother has been being an asshole since the day before, doing the work I asked my son to do.  He didn't do it fast enough, so she was showing him up by doing the things instead (like carrying stuff through the yard--which is something she should not be doing as she's unsteady on her feet).  I told her to stop, and then she got a the call from C.  And it wasn't even two minutes before she started in.  

I saw my mother get out of her seat and walk away into the yard, so I ran into my son's room who's window was open and listened.  I KNEW she was going to say something she didn't want us to hear, and I was 100% right.  C asked if we did anything for her birthday, so she started in and said "They don't do anything speedy around here" in an exasperated voice.  "I am just so sick and tired of sitting around and watching them do nothing."  And then she started bashing my husband, saying he's been out of work for two weeks and is just now mowing the lawn for the first time.  C replied "I just came over the other day and the lawn was mowed."  My mother replied "Sure, but he only did half of it."  Not true, the battery died and we maybe missed a quarter of it, but it's sparse and you really could not tell.  

My mother NEVER bashes Mr. Brooks.  Never.  But I guess she's in such a horrible mood that she's even picking on him, as though it was only his job to mow.  Funny thing, I mowed half the front myself, and part of the back, but she acted like he was the only one that was moving and/or already mowed.  But that's my mother for ya.  I am fucking invisible.  

She also said we didn't get up until noon today (not true) and we waited to grocery shopping at 4, meaning we are lazy asses and don't go the store until late in the day.  I mean, she's not wrong, we do grocery shop late.  I hate going early.  Also, I am not a fucking morning person.  I get up at 10am (sorry early birds, I just can't do it), and sometimes I have sleep inertia that can last for a long period of time (it's a sleep disorder thing) so I don't leave my room right away.  OR, I am working (writing, etc.) and I don't leave my room either.  Usually I don't leave my room because of her.  I don't want to see her or deal with her always asking me to do something for her (which is the only reason she talks to me).  But to her, I must be sleeping.  Because why else would I be in my room so much?  

Today?  We didn't leave the house until 4 because we were cleaning the house all fucking day.  We had tons of things to do.  But she was too busy hiding from us to see that.  Just like she does on every holiday.  Brooding and being pissed off that she's not in control of anything anymore.  Brooding because she can't make our lives a living hell anymore.  What a nice person she is. 

Anyways, C wasn't listening to her, so she kept on pressing the issue, that we were lazy fucks who did nothing.  The funny thing is she was "tired of watching us do nothing" yet my mother literally does nothing.  

She said a whole slew of other things that I literally cannot remember in this moment (maybe I will later?).  

So she hangs up, and comes into the house and says "Wow, I've been doing nothing all day long!"  I laughed really hard and said "Oh wow, that's funny."  She said "What?"  So, I looked at her in the face and repeated myself slowly with the same inflections in my voice.  I was PISSED.  I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it in and told my son and husband to leave the room so I could have at it.  

I gave her her dinner (I had planned a nice dinner with the whole family--she ended up with leftovers because fuck her) and said "Oh, by the way, I was wrapping your gifts in my son's room who's window was open and heard all the shit you were talking about me and my family to C".  She literally played dumb.  "What are you talking about?  I didn't say anything!"  

I looked at her and paused and stared at her for a moment.  I said "Are you kidding me right now?  Don't play dumb."  "What??  What did I say?" she asked.  I replied "Do not play dumb.  I HEARD you.  For one, you said you were tired of sitting around all day watching us do nothing.  Plus all that other shit."  Her eyes widened and she stared at me and then looked down at her book and ignored me.  So I went on.  "What is wrong with you?"  She said "Oh Shay!" I said "FUCK OFF!  YOU CANNOT TREAT THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE THIS WAY AND EXPECT THEM TO BE HAPPY WITH YOU!!"  And I slammed my door.  It wasn't what I wanted to say.  It was lame.  But it was what I said, so there's no taking it back.  Then I opened my door with her HUGE box of gifts and said "I am going to put these in your room so you can open them alone since that seems to be what you want!!!"  She said "Don't bother."  But I threw the box in and slammed her door and then went back to my room.  But later, she was out smoking, so I went into her room and took the box back.  Because fuck her.  I got her a HUGE box filled with the things she wanted and likes and now they are all mine (minus her shitty books she can have).  One thing I am returning to Amazon (I just put in for a refund).  And the rest I will probably donate.  

The old me would still give them to her.  I am not the old me.  I am so tired of this shit.  And I am done allowing it to happen without consequences.  She gets no birthday gifts this year.  Granted, she will tell people this.  But then I will call them and tell them exactly why.  I mean, if I even care to.  

The biggest issue here?  Is why do I care so much?  Why did I let it bother me so much?  I am just so tired of feeling inadequate.  I am so tired of feeling like a loser in my own house.  I have severe anxiety (though it's not severe all the time, but when it is, it can be debilitating), and I am not a morning person, and I have ADHD.  So, this combo makes for not a perfect person, in my mother's eyes.  And anything less than perfect, and you're a total loser.  I mean, I can do things perfectly for a year, and then make one mistake and she's back to acting like I do nothing but make mistakes.  And when she points out the fact she thinks I am a loser out to me (all the time, for my entire life), it just reopens old wounds that cannot heal as long as I am around her.  I cannot be myself or fulfill my full potential in life as long as I am around someone who thinks my potential is dirt.  I keep trying to "do it anyways", but it's not easy.  None of this is easy.  It wouldn't be easy even if she wasn't here due to my ADHD, anxiety, migraines, POTS, and all the other BS that's a part of my life, but having her here makes it damn near impossible.  But I keep trying.  I don't give up, because if I did, I'd never forward.  

I tried to calling Christmas yesterday to talk to her about what I heard and to tell her to stop listening to my mother's lies, but she didn't answer.  Maybe she'll call me back today?  If not, I will try calling again.  Again, I know I should not care, but I do.  And I am going to clear things up with her.  I know, it sounds stupid and pointless.  I know it is.  But this time, I feel I have to do it anyways.  

Mother's Day is Sunday.  My birthday is a week away.  Both days I will not be including her in.  

Also, has anyone ever sued an adoption agency for the adoption fees?  Because I would like to.  I think I could win, too.  Maybe.  But I'd like to try and see.  Because why do they get the money when I was the one who paid for their mistake with my entire life so far??  I want interest, too.  I even have the receipts.  Any lawyer out there want to take the case?