Today I found out she's been ignoring me because she's angry I don't take her places.  She hasn't spoken to me in months, for most of the day each and every day, except for when she wants something.  She doesn't ask me how I am.  She doesn't comment on anything other than her own stuff.  Which is something I like, as her constant commenting on MY life is not missed at all.  But what she blamed her silence on is total bullshit. 

She told BFF named Christmas today that she's rather be silent than argue with me.  And what I "supposedly" argue with her about is telling her no that I won't take her places.  

What the hell?  

I never argue with my mother unless she does something outrageously dumb or rude.  And for the past twelves months, I've argued with her twice (well, the one time was more than once, but about the same thing).  I got into it with her on her birthday because she got super shitty and told her BFF Christmas (which I overheard) that my husband was lazy because he didn't have a job and hasn't mowed the lawn since losing his job.  My husband is her golden child, so this was a BIG surprise to us.  But I was livid with her bullshit that day and I brought it up and she denied she said anything rude, even though I heard the entire conversation.  Christmas tries not to listen to her bullshit, so she's all over the place ignoring my mom's words, and my mother stood in the yard and followed my husband around while he was mowing and kept saying to her friend on the phone "Listen!  Are you listening to me?  I SAID that he's JUST mowing NOW!  For the FIRST time since losing his job!!"  She just kept saying it, and Christmas, who knows her bullshitting ways, just kept ignoring her.  She wouldn't stop trying to my husband sound bad, which is why I got so angry.  But of course she denied it all. 

Then on the day before Thanksgiving, I went into the ER with severe lower back pain, which turned out to be a burst cyst on my ovary.  The next day, I went to pick up meds and came back to her furiously cleaning MY bathroom with bleach, which is a no-no in our house (I am VERY sensitive to chemicals).  Where she got it, who knows, but I told her to stop and she started screaming at me.  So I went into the bathroom and she ran behind me and slammed the door into my back, right where it hurt.  Then I had to turn around and try to shut the door on her with all my might.  She's pushing back on the door, screaming like a crazy person and even told my husband to go to hell.  No, this was not dementia, she's always been like this my entire life.  She calls it "being crabby".  So the next day, Thanksgiving came and my boys cooked the entire dinner and I avoided her.  The next day came, I was still in pain, and she still hadn't apologized and so I yelled at her about it.  She still didn't apologize.  So the next day, again, she acted like nothing happened, and still didn't apologize, so I yelled at her again.  She STILL DID NOT APOLOGIZE.  So I said fine, the next time you do this, I will call the police and have you committed.  No, I said "There will be consequences", but that's what the consequences will be.  

Those are the two (well, three) times in one year I've argued with her.  Telling her "no" is not an argument.  Ignoring her requests to go randomly shopping for things she does not need, is not an argument.  But that's supposedly why she's ignoring me.  

This year alone, in 2023, we've lost three of my family's beloved dogs.  And has my mother ONE TIME expressed her condolences or asked if I was okay?  Nope.  She doesn't say shit.  But she sure messages my family, acting like SHE had to put down HER dog, when the dog was mine.  My dog had a stroke, and was in the middle of dying, so in reality, she died of natural causes, we just helped her out at the vet's office to not suffer anymore than she already was.  

Another thing she said to Christmas, which was an oldie, something she's said before, that she's not allowed to go to Christmas's house because I would say no.  She's never once asked me to take her there.  And that's because of one of the reason's why I won't take her to the store with me: she shits and pisses herself, like massively pisses--to the point of soaking her clothes.  And I assume the shitting herself isn't any different.  But she wants to use me as her scapegoat, to take the blame for not letting her go to her friend's house.  

The other reason, which I've explained before, that I don't take her to the store is that she will spend over $100 at any store I take her to.  She's nuts with the spending.  And nowadays, all of the resale shops are OUT OF CONTROL with their pricing on clothes, so I assume it would end up being even more than that.  And I cannot afford to take her places and spend that kind of money.  I do take her, every so many months.  But only that much, due to these reasons.  I mean, I cannot deal with her shitting herself in public and then having to smell that all the way home.  I'd fucking throw up.  

I told her, if she ever ended up in a wheelchair and/or in diapers, she's going onto a home.  But mostly, I mean if she ended up not being able to change her own soiled whatevers, because I am NOT doing that for her.  I just can't.  I will throw up all day afterwards.  I am a basic caretaker, not a nurse.  And she knows it.  

So, it doesn't matter that I cook for her, shop for her, keep track of and dole out her meds for her, clean for her, do her laundry, do the yardwork, and everything else she needs and or wants, but because I refuse to allow her to shit herself in my car and spend all the money we all have, what I do is not good enough and she makes the CHOICE to not speak to me.  

Oh yes, I also stole all her gardening tools and locked them in the garage so she can't have them *eyeroll*.  Sigh.  She lost them and I have no idea where they are, and yes, I lock the garage, because she climbs on things she shouldn't out there and does not care about her own safety.  But I am a jerk because I keep her safe from herself.  

Good thing I called Christmas and we cleared it all up.  But still.  I love that I can be at my mother's beck and call and she still talks shit about me.  But that's my mom for ya.  There is ZERO empathy or care from this woman.  But what else do I expect?  She is who she is.