My mother loves to lie to me.  She loves to say one thing and do another.  She loves to make promises and then go behind my back and break them.  She loves to be nice to my face, and pretend to care about me (though that's even hard for her anymore) and then turn around and immediately talk shit about me.  She's faker than a square circle (I got that from Chat GPT, btw, and I think that will be my new saying LOL).  And yesterday, I caught her in the act.  Again. 

So, back in the day I'd make her dinner and she'd feed over half of it to the cats and dogs.  And she'd go hungry and complain she's hungry.  I was like, I do not buy groceries to feed the pets, lady, this is YOUR dinner!  But she refused. So I removed all animals from her dinnertime.  

Then she got bored and asked to have them back.  

So I said okay.  But I told her, do not feed the dogs.  I normally don't let cats in the room while she eats, but last night one got through my defenses.  She promised she was not feeding my dogs.  And she remarked the other day about how the dogs "only got a little because the dinner was so good".  I said the dogs don't get ANY of her food, to please not feed the dogs.  I had already told her this, and apparently she thought it was okay to do whatever she likes.  Ever since I said that, I've been on her case about not feeding the dogs.  

So, I served her dinner, I said "Don't feed the dogs".  She said "I can't promise I'll remember that."  I said "Of course you will, they are NOT allowed people food."  She said "Why?"  I didn't answer her, as I do not owe her an explanation.  But it's like talking to a fucking brick idiot wall, and unless there is a good reason, in her mind, she never listens to me.  So, I turned on my video camera (something I haven't been doing in a long time).  And there she sat, giving my dogs her food.  

I was on the phone with Christmas, her BFF at the time, as she called to ask me how to clean a coffee pot.  I told her, and saw my mom feeding the dog, and so I went out there and said "Don't feed the dogs."  She smiled her shitty smile and said "Okay!"  I waked back into my room and saw her immediately do it again.  Sigh.  

This time, I stopped being nice.  

"What are you doing???"  She held her hands up as thought she was a criminal being caught by police.  She started laughing and put on her stupid "innocent face".  I yelled "What is WRONG with you??  I told you, you said okay, and you immediately do it again??  Do you not care about anyone but yourself?  I've told you for a long time my dogs are not able to have people food!   It gives then diarrhea!"  It's not a total lie, my dog is having issues with his butt glands, something I've never had a dog have issues with before, but it could be caused by his new food.  She said sorry, in a shitty voice.  I was livid!  Christmas heard me yelling and asked "Oh no, what did your mom do??"  I told her and she started in talking about her own dog having diarrhea, which made for interesting conversation.  I said some more things, like "I can't trust you" and "I can't believe you're like this".  But then I went back into my room and finished my conversation about dog diarrhea with Christmas.  Yay.

We hung up, my mother went to bed, and I went out and found this note: 

"Your right-----I'm Sorry----
I will not feed the dogs
anything---I can't feed the cats
so its only fair
I promise no more feeding---
Sorry Again 💗 Mom"

Notice that the sorry wasn't for anything other than being caught.  She didn't say "I know you already told me, and I didn't realize it was a big deal and I should have, I'm sorry" or something similar.  She just said "I won't do it".  But she already said "I won't do it" and promised me before, yet she still did it.  So, I flipped it over and wrote back: 

"You proved you aren't trustworthy.  I told you to stop, you said okay and did it again.  I cannot trust you.  You only care about what you want to do.  And nothing else.  No more animals during dinner.  Period.  You like lying too much to be trusted again."  

And I meant it.  Like I've said before, she never listens to me.  NEVER.  So, when she doesn't listen, I take away whatever it is she's abusing.  She was abusing the privilege of having my dogs in the kitchen with her during dinner, so that's stops.  All cats, too.  She eats alone from now on.  She brought this on herself.  And the moment I let her do it again, will be the moment she reverts right back to feeding the animals.  

Recently, she went behind my back and paid Christmas to buy her contraband she's not allowed to have.  So, if she brings it up today, I will remind her of how sneaky she thinks she is.  I will remind her that while she's not my child, she acts like she's my shitty little child, because even my own kids didn't act the way she does.  Funny, she used to tell me how sneaky I used to be as a kid.  I wonder where I learned it from?  But she's 76 years old.  Not 6.  She should have learned how not to act like a child by now.  

If the doctor tells her "Don't do this anymore" she will go home do exactly what the doctor tells her not to do, just to prove she can.  She's obstinate and acts like a baby.  

So, no more animals during dinner.  And no more trusting her at all.  She can look me in the face, agree with what I say, then go directly behind my back and do the exact opposite.  That's fucked up.  I can't trust her at all.  Like, ever.  

Here's the issue: there are things I don't care if she does.  I will tell her not to do them, but in reality, if it doesn't hurt anyone, what do I care?  Let her think she's getting away with everything.  I have video cameras.  So I know what she's doing.  But I let it go because in the grand scheme of things, it's not big deal.  Feeding my dogs wouldn't be a big deal if she actually ate her damn food.  Also, I am tired of her their begging.  My one dog is getting bold and stealing food out of your hand now, so I need to stop feeding him any kind of snackies, other than dog snackies.  So, this is a real thing, not giving my dog people food, for many reasons.  The one is hound breed, so he's quite the sniffer and is motivated by all things food (and sniffs).  Which is now motivating him to steal off people's plates and out of their hands.  Which is not okay.  

While I am done with letting her slide on shit, I also don't want this crap to take over my life, either.  I don't want to deal with having to constantly be on edge with her.  I took a break from phone calls entering the house (we were always home, so it was okay, my mom was never left without someone being in the house with her) so I didn't obsess about her talking shit about me behind my back to Christmas.  It has calmed my nervous down quite a bit and now I feel great and don't give two squats about what she says about me.  No more listening to phone calls (for now).  Though I am turning back on the two video cameras that I had turned off, just in case I need to check every now and then.  And I may tell her that, and may hint to the fact there may be a video camera outside, too LOL  That way when Christmas comes over, they know to shut their mouths about me.  

I just may get an actual camera for my front, though.  Just to make sure she's not wandering off, but also to keep our house safe (not just for her).  I have a fake one to put out back LOL  Though it's too cold now for them to outside chatting for too long.  Thank goodness.  

I don't want to catch her in the act of doing bad things anymore, I KNOW she's doing them.  What I want now is to prevent them from happening in the first place.  The act of catching someone, so you can prove they are the person you suspect they are, is hard work.  And it can literally drive you crazy.  So, I've caught her enough times to prove exactly who she is.  I know now.  I don't have to do that anymore.  So I accept she's this untrustworthy, awful person, but now what?  Now, I do whatever I can, meaning not everything possible, but whatever I can give in the moment, to stop it from happening.  But I have to accept it's still going to happen and I cannot care about it anymore.  I don't need to be hurt by her actions if I always expect those same actions from her.  

Remember my mantras?  "She cannot give more than what she is."  Or something like that.  She can't be a good person because she's not one, so I have to stop expecting her to be a good person.  She will never choose right when wrong is so much more exciting for her.  So, it's time to move on.  Let her be the bad person she is and move on with my life.  I cannot control her.  I can minimize the damage she causes, but I can't stop it completely.  So, I have my cameras and that's that.  I will find any contraband she brings into the house with her BFF's help.  And if Christmas ever brings her anything, I will ban her from coming over for a bit.  Like my mother being grounded.  

And that's all I need to do.  

Why do these idiots act so crazy?  I don't get it.  But that's the way it is and that's what I signed up for by moving here.  Sigh.  One day the dementia will get worse and none of this will matter anymore.  Though, things could get very, very bad eventually, but hopefully by then, she will be in a home.