Today my mother said in the backseat of the car on the way to the doctor's office "With your birthday coming up, you should give me some of my money so I can take you out to dinner." 

I replied "I hate going out to eat, you know this."  

She said back "Yeah, but this place is vegetarian.  It's called 'brick' something." 

"Yes, Brick House Brewery, I know all about it.  The kids want to go to there."

"Everyone says it's so good.  We should go for your birthday."  

I started seething in the front seat.  Everything about this conversation was pissing me off.  I was rolling my eyes and making faces to make myself feel better.  She couldn't see me.  I know she has dementia.  And I know it's getting worse.  But in this instance, I truly did not know if this was her narcissism or her dementia speaking.  And knowing how she's been in the past, I can only assume it's her narcissism.  But just in case it was her dementia, I didn't say anything back to her.  I let her have her moment of feeling "normal" for a second.  Granted, had it been her dementia, she wouldn't have remembered she doesn't have control of her money. 

Here's what I wanted to say: 

"How can you even fathom taking me out to dinner for my birthday?  You tortured me for YEARS, my entire life, forcing me to go out to eat with you, not only for your birthday, but everyone else's birthday, plus my own.  And never, not once, did you ever take me, or anyone else in my family, where we actually wanted to go.  Back when I was actually vegetarian, I wanted to go to The Greenhouse, remember?  And you said you'd take me.  But on the day of my birthday, you said 'No, we're going to go 'The 6 Pennies'', which was your favorite place to go.  Just like you did every single year for every single person.  Then one day I actually made you go to Famous Dave's for my husband's birthday, you had a meltdown the entire time and screamed at us all the way home.  And I told you then, and I meant it, I would never EVER go out to eat with you again.  That was only five years ago, Ma.  And I've held to that ever since.  Also, what makes you think you could go out to eat?  You have horrible bowel issues that will make you shit your pants if you don't get to a bathroom quick enough after you eat.  I am no longer vegetarian, and haven't been over ten years, and I HATE HATE HATE going out to eat!  I have hated it my entire life and you always knew it and still know it!!  And you love it so very much so you forced me to go with you!!!  You'd take me out to eat, and I'd always have a horrible panic attack during dinner, and you'd use that time to shame me and pick on me and make fun of me!!!  WHY WOULD I EVER WANT TO SUBJECT MYSELF TO THAT AGAIN?????!!  Please, kindly, go fuck yourself with that shit.  And kiss my ass because I would rather shit in the middle of the mall's food court on top of a table then go out to eat with you again!!" 

But I didn't say any of that.  I didn't even answer her.  I just let her ramble on about what she read about the restaurant and thought of something else in my mind while she spoke.  

I hate going places with her.  I hate talking to her most of the time.  Sometimes she's nice to talk to.  But mostly, she's telling me what to do, or asking me for shit.  OR coming up with stupid way to try to ruin my birthday.  

Well, it's a month or so away.  I'll come up with something to do with my ACTUAL family instead.  I don't need to worry about what the old woman that I take care of wants for my birthday.  Because it has nothing to do with her at all.