At the end, my mother demanded I come up and "approve" the haircut, and I said "if you like it, you say so, it's not up to me".  But she demanded I approve it first.  I did tell her to cut it shorter, as it was still too long and she did (and my mother agreed to it).  

And it turned out cuuuuute!  We left, and headed out into the parking lot and went to the Farmer's Market, where she found a plant stand.  They had tons of flowers for cheap, and she refused to pick one unless I said it was good....even though every single one I said was pretty, she hated (because everything I love she hates...OR she covets and takes for herself).  She picked out a pretty boring ugly set of flowers, which I found odd...she usually goes for the big ones.  But since I loved all the big ones, she only had the shitty one left to pick, so she picked it.  After that, we went to the resale shop, but before we got there, I called her BFF Christmas to come meet us.  The resale shop is a local hangout for most residents in our area, and going there with friends is something most people do.  So, then we took Christmas back to our house, she gave my mom her birthday card and then Christmas went home.  The next day was mother's birthday and we gave her lots of presents (she's an avid reader, and our local library was having a book sale for "fill up a bag for $3" and I bought her two bags of books, as well as a new nightgown, a new outside chair, and something else I can't remember.  We had cake...it was a square cake that I cut into four pieces and I made cupcakes for me since I don't like coconut (she only likes coconut cake).  She got her piece...which was actually two pieces.  And then she actually got mad on Sunday because someone else ate the fourth piece (again, it was actually two pieces)...even though the piece wasn't hers.  

Then today, Wednesday, comes around, and she angry that her hair looks stupid, so she put it up in curlers.  Her hair always looks crazy AF when she uses curlers, which she's been doing lately.  I see her and she says "I had to put my hair up in curlers, cause I have no idea what to do with it!!"  I said "It's a bob, ma, you just leave it."  She crinkles her nose up and says "Ew."  I said "Well, I told you to cut it shorter."  She says "I said I didn't want it long!  It's too long!"  I said "Well, you should have listened to me."  She replied "She didn't cut it shorter!"  I said "I watched her do it!"  She then just waved me off and made an "icky" face.  

Sigh.

Apparently looking like a weird young man from the 1970's is more her style, as she's never complained once when she got her old haircuts.  But this one?  The one that's actually cute?  She hates.  All because  I told her hairdresser how to to cut it better.  

Anything I like, she will say she hates, whether she actually does or not.  Always and forever.  And when she hates something, she usually wants to blame me for it.  

My birthday is this week and she's gearing up guys.  I just hope she shuts the fuck up and keeps away from me.  But I know she won't.  

My son and I are putting in a catio this week (a patio for cats) outside my mother's window and she got wind of this and now she's trying to boss us around about it.  

*double sigh*

Well, her yearly bullshit really got to me this year and I stood up for myself on her birthday on Saturday. 

Her: I don't know why my sister never sent me a card.  Nor either of your cousins.

Me: I have no idea, ma.  That's super weird.

Later that day:

Her: OMG! GUESS WHO CALLED ME??!!

Me: I don't know, who?  

Her: MY SISTER!!  AND GUESS WHO EMAILED ME?

I already knew, but I let her tell me. 

Her: YOUR COUSIN!!!  *does a little dance*

I've had to listen to DAYS of her bitching about them all not contacting her for her birthday.  And then talking shit about all of these people at the same time.  So hearing her brag and be SOOOOO happy they contacted her, I just go so annoyed.  Who the fuck cares if these idiots contact her?  One of them is the ENTIRE REASON THIS BLOG WAS CREATED TO BEGIN WITH!!!  

So I got pissed.  Mostly because I was talking to my husband and she was screaming all of this to interrupt us and be the center of attention, as though she was bragging to me to make me feel bad.  So, I made her feel bad right back.  

Me: Yeah, that's cool, but we all know they won't be contacting me for MY birthday.

Her: Well, you know how they are. 

Me:  You know it's your fault, right?  They all hate me because of you.  

Her: What?

Me: It's your fault.  They all hate me because of you.  You turned them all against me, remember?

Her: *silence*

She didn't speak the rest of the time she was outside, and my husband and I continued our conversation. 

Here's the thing, I don't want to rain her parade.  I don't want her to feel abandoned (even though I want her family to abandon her, because they are toxic and poisonous).  I don't want her to suffer.  BUT, if she's going to think she can get away with acting like these people hate me just because they are jerks?? She's going to be politely reminded of the fact that SHE is the reason they all hate me.  SHE is the one who went to our family reunion and enacted her smear campaign against me.  

Then comes yesterday.  

Her: I feel bad, I don't send birthday cards to your cousins.  But I've never sent them to your boy cousins, so I guess that's fair.  But I don't know why they forgot about me this year (even though my one girl cousin did send her an email--but she was annoyed about the other one forgetting about her).  

Me: Mmmhmm. (I am microwaving some of her dinner.)

Her: Well, that's one person who I never ever hear from.  

Me: Which one?

Her: Graham (the one boy cousin).  He's never once reached out to me. 

Me: Well, they're all crazy.  I used to be friends with him, his wife, and his kids on social media but after what Kam said to them (the cousin that emailed her), they all blocked me.  

Her:  Okay, but why do they have to be mad at ME about it??

Me: *closes my eyes and tries not to scream--my back is to her*  Well, they have no reason to be mad at ME either, ma!!!  (I was so angry, especially since we JUST had the conversation where she was reminded this was mostly HER fault)

Her:  Well, yeah, sure.  (she replies in a dismissive voice)

So apparently we're trying to use my family now to hurt me.  It's not going to work, because I don't give two squats about those assholes.  But she needs to just stop.  She's ruined my birthdays every since I was a little kid, all because she's jealous.  

It's soooooo funny that she once told her second husband that when my mom tried to steal my idea of "unbirthdays", which is where siblings get a small gift on their sibling's birthdays with his kids (who were the same ages as my kids--like literally born in the same years) and he told her it was stupid, she said "Oh, I had to start this with Shay when she was little because she could not STAND that my birthday was before hers and I had to give her a gift on my birthday".  And I find it funny because a) it was a FLAT OUT LIE (I actually loved giving my mother gifts on Mother's Day and her birthday--mostly because I was trying to please her, even though nothing I ever bought her was good enough...and my birthday was only a week away, so of course I could wait until my birthday, what a stupid lie), and b) SHE must have been the one who was jealous of MY birthdays and hated that I was the one who got gifts and got to be the center of attention, a spotlight she not like sharing.  She just projected all that crap onto me that day, claiming I was the jealous one.  Funny, how 100% the opposite that really was.  

So, her birthday is first, then a week later her kid's birthday comes and no longer can she ride the high of her own birthday attention, because she has to give it up to me, as though I am stealing it from her by existing.  And so she tries to sabotage it so she can still feel that the attention is on her.  Back I was a kid, that would be her and my father getting so drunk that they'd get into some kind of fight, which she'd turn on me at times.  Or they'd take me out to eat, something I HATED and she knew it, and they'd get drunk and embarrass me.  All she had to do was not buy him beer.  My father has never once stepped foot into a store to buy his own beer.  Not once.  Yes, he'd go to the bar at times, but only when he was already drunk.  She'd buy cases of it...you'd think for my birthdays she'd just not buy any and say "We're not drinking on her birthday" to my father.  I know he would have agreed to it.  But not once.  She always had tons of beer on hand.  And they'd both get drunk on that day every single year.  

This week has been bad for me.  Mentally and emotionally, which leads to physically.  I've been stressed out, irritated, annoyed, and tired.  Oh so tired.  I am fine with doing nothing on my birthday.  We don't have any money, so we may just go to the cemetery and put "happy birthday" signs on the graves that share my birthmonth, like I did last year.  I was thinking about going to the arcade, too, and we may do that, but we'll have to use a credit card.  Which is fine.  I just want some peace, away from her.  Most of the time anymore she gives that to me, which is a wonderful gift LOL  But I never know if she's just going to act up in an insane way one year, so I am always on guard.  Because she always gets me that way, she acts docile for a period of time and BAM!  Out of the blue, she catches me off guard.  So this time of year I am always on guard, which I guess is another way she wins.  I should just not care and let her act up and ignore her.  I will try to do that instead.  Because I am sick of feeling bad.  I just want to enjoy this time of year instead.  

Okay, I need to go back to sleep now.  I woke up with a nightmare (about aliens riding war pigs and supposed asteroids), which I guess made me nauseous, and I needed something to get my mind off of it.  But I am tired as fuck.   So, I am going back to sleep now.  If I can LOL