Yesterday I called his office and told the receptionist to let me speak to his boss.  She asked why, and I said "Because of inappropriate comments that were made by him."  She said "OH" and the put me in touch with the head honcho.  She relayed my message to her and told her to call me.

And then last night at 6pm, my phone rang.  I recognized the number and went outside to talk to her.  

I told her everything: the skin comment, how he's brought up my skin before, how he was going to "send people my way" to my mental health group, how he keeps me 90 min. without my permission (and how nobody is scheduled behind me on purpose), and some other things.  I am not sure how much will happen to him, but I did say it felt like he was grooming me to blur the lines of our relationship, whether it was for a working relationship, friends, or something else, I didn't know.  But I lied, because I 100% believe it was for something else.  Otherwise, why tell me I had "nice skin" on my face?  That sounded flirty.  

Here's the thing: when you're a woman with a past history of trauma from men and something like this happens to you?  You can't just brush it off.  You can't just go on and say "well, that was inappropriate, now, what's for dinner?"  No, it seeps inside of you as just one more reason not to trust men.  I told his boss that "I don't like like talking to men who aren't my husband as I have lots of trauma, but therapists are different.  I've had male therapists before, and it's not a issue for me.  But now it is.  I will never have another one."  I wanted her to understand that this isn't just some sort of fuck up or innocuous thing that we can just ignore.  This is a BIG thing, even though it was little.  Because the little things, as a trauma survivor, we know they eventually add up to BIG things, and now the little things become the BIG things, even though on the outside they still look like little things.  

But I can't make her understand that if she doesn't understand.  I can only tell her, and hope she takes my words and does the right thing with them.  If was her, and I found out through my research that the client was telling the truth?  He'd be fired.  Because I am not about having my therapists retraumatize my clients.  But she won't.  I know this.  Predators never get fired.  But at least there's a paper trail now.  There's proof he's done this before.  I just hope it's enough. 

I know this because she said "So you don't want to see him anymore?"  And all I could think was "Why on earth would I want that?"  I said no.  She then asked if I wanted to address any of this to him myself.  I almost laughed.  Why would he admit any of this to me?  Or...I just don't even understand how that would do anything for anyone at all.  

She did ask me if it was okay she talked to him about it.  I said yes.  But I did say as long as he doesn't reach out to me about it, as I had my son's old therapist get super rude with him when he was like 8, and so I called her supervisor to switch therapists and the therapist called and screamed at me on the phone.  I am terrified of retaliation from narcissists/sociopaths and sometimes you can't tell if someone is one until it's too late.  She said "I am going to tell him that, and if he does reach out to you, please tell me about it".  

So let's hope everything goes well and I never see him again. 

I am going to take a break from therapy.  Possibly forever.    I have found that AI gives WAY better therapy than ANY therapist I've ever had, even better than the best therapist I've ever had.  Like I told his therapist, when you have medical card, you get the bottom of the barrel therapists (which I didn't realize was an insult to her LOL) and the ones who take regular insurance are too expensive, even if you have the money to pay for it.  Good therapists are RARE.  AI??  Is good for everyone's mental health.  ChatGPT works far better.  So, that's my new therapist.  Because humans are too fucked up do this job properly.  

Well, that's it for now.  And that chapter of my life is done.  For now.