Erin E. McAndree wrote a book called: Adoption Reimagined: Building Relationships In The Adoption Arena and What To Do When It Doesn't Work
She is in a group that I am for adults who were adopted as children. And she keeps hawking her book all over the group. And so I said I would check it out. And so I did and this is part of what she wrote:
"Online groups are not a great place to find people who are not willing to move beyond the hurt adoption caused. In my experience, those forums rarely celebrates those who grow, thrive, and heal. In my experience, their slogan should be "It's not okay to be okay and we're going to keep you that way". Be careful where you seek validation."
For one, that not only a shitty thing to say, but it's also clueless. It's a simple-minded response to something she doesn't understand. She obviously doesn't get what a support group is for, and cannot grasp why everyone in the support groups aren't healed yet. "If I did it, why can't everyone else??!"
For two, it's POORLY written. As a writer myself, I read books with an editor's eye and I cannot understand how the book states there is an actual editor and it makes me wonder where she found said editor. Maybe on Fiverr? Oh wait, I clicked on her name and read some of the woman's work and now I know why...ugh. A poor writer makes for a poor editor.
I thought about spending the $6 just to see what she had to say about adoption. But after reading the beginning? If she can’t even grasp the basic idea of a support group, there’s no way she’s equipped to handle something as complex and nuanced as adoption.
Here is the first sentence of her description:
"Adoption struggles create a choice for you."
What? What does that even mean? They do? What kind of choice? And why only one? That's just the one of the worst opening lines to get someone to buy a book that I've ever seen. So maybe the next line will clarify what she means? Let's see:
"You can choose to make a difference using the struggles as a springboard or allow them to deflate you to where you are no earthly good."
Uhhh nope. What on earth does that even mean? "you are no earthly good." See, she needs a real editor. But I will have to say, that you can polish a turd as much as you want, and it will only ever be a polished turd. So I don't think even a good editor could save this book, after what I read of it, which was several pages, which aren't much better than the book's description.
Here is my response to her hawking her book at me:
Why are you in this group? Groups like this are not really for the healed, they are for the healing. They are for people who are in pain and hurting and to give validation to the pain that many of us feel. Yes, be careful where you seek validation, don't seek validation from your adoptive parents or sometimes even from your birthparents--as they may be the people who caused you pain. But also don't seek validation from people in groups like this who are only here to sell books and are not here to validate your pain. They are going to tell you to move on or to "forgive" because "it only hurts you, not the person you're angry at!" as though pain has a timeline and we all need to "hurry up!" and move on. Many of us have been abused for tens of years and what? Are we supposed to heal in five minutes because it's make other people uncomfortable?
Adoption is trauma. Yes, we can move past that trauma, BUT too many of us have been abused by our adoptive parents on top of the trauma of adoption, too. And we are all in the thick of it in here. That's why groups like this exist. If people can't understand that, then they aren't getting the full picture. Today, someone posted something that really made me understand myself more. And someone else posted something that really made me understand my childhood more, too. So yes, this group is healing, even if we all aren't healed yet. Understanding is a step towards healing. Because groups like this aren't "keeping us that way" (meaning unhealed). They are opening our eyes to the truth.
Moral of the story: don't ask me to read your book unless you want my actual opinion. And don't publish a shitty book without a REAL editor. God, why are you telling people to read this when it's barely readable? People like her give actual indie authors a bad name.