Life recently has been weird.  I haven't updated in awhile because my mother is mostly docile.  Yes, she still does weird things, like getting into my pots and pans and rearranging them and then lying about it (it's not dementia, as she's making up reasons as to why she was in my cabinet, because I had caught her).  She's also been relentlessly trying to get me to take her cat to the vet, which I was trying, but nobody could see him as fast as he needed to be seen, so I ended up taking him to the emergency vet.  She's been on my ass about it, being not only annoying, but sometimes rude.  She even left a note on the fridge about it, so I wrote on the note back "If I say I am doing something, know that I am, and please don't harass me about it!!"  If she says "Well, I can't sit around and let him be sick!" I will surely have a comeback for her.  I will say "You let Sabrina almost die from a UTI.  You let Dobby die alone in a litter box (though now she lies and says he died in her arms, which is BULLSHIT).  You never took any of your cats to the vet, and when I forced you to, you were pissed.  And my entire childhood?  Henri (our oldest cat) sat with brown goop coming out of his ears for YEARS and you did nothing to help him.  You let the dogs clean his ears rather than take him to the vet to get medicine.  So do not tell me you can't let a cat be sick, as you are the queen of neglect when it comes to creatures in your care.  Including me."  

I am pretty angry at her about her this.  So I took the cat to the vet today, and told her to feed him his dinner when she eats.  Instead, she comes out when I am cooking and starts to feed him.  I said "What are you doing?"  She replies "Feeding the cat."  I said "You're supposed to feed him while you eat, not now.  I told you this."  She replies "It's fine, I will just stay out here with him and read a book."  I said "Not while I am cooking.  You know I don't anyone in here while I cook."  She kept on about how she was just ignore me and pretend like I am not there, but I still said no and told her to leave the cat with me.  He needs to eat a particular food the other cats can't eat.  And he ended up barfing it all up, so I don't know if it's the food or the medicine.  Or both.  We'll see.  

I am just in a bad mood lately.  I have felt horrible.  My POTS is acting up.  I am at the beginning stage of burnout again.  My son's recently sporadic borderline behavior has been making me feel horrible.  I may have seasonal depression again.  My anxiety has been out of control.  And I am freaking out about money.  Everything is so overwhelming, I just need a break.  Like a good nap or a vacation.  But I can't take a vacation.  I can't trust anyone at home to hold down the fort, especially since we just got a new puppy, which is adding HUGE amounts to my overwhelm.  I did not want a puppy for this reason.  But nobody listens to me.  I do love her and I know this stage will end and she will eventually chill out, but I am already taking care of everyone in my house.....I did not need something new to add to that.  But here we are.  

OH and either my computer or my router's wireless is breaking and I can hardly connect to the internet.  So that's fun.  

I have two new hobbies I am trying to start, which is stupid, since I don't have time for ANY hobbies, much less new ones.  And we have fuck tons of work to be done around the house AND we need a second car.  

My brain feels like mush.  And I just want either a) to win the lottery so I can hire help because I literally cannot do everything myself or b) never mind, I just want to win the lottery LOL  OH and I am teaching a class soon, and I am terrified about it.  

My mind is spinning and I need to have some nice long sleep and a good way to help me sort all this out so I can relax and feel less overwhelmed.  

If I can get my internet to work right, I may be able to do that.  Until then, I will be a zombie going through the motions of my life.  Yay.  

Hello Darkness, my old friend.