Today was her one week follow-up with her podiatrist after last week's surgery.  And per usual she called me an hour before we were supposed to leave to remind me to leave.  And then she called again, to ask why I hadn't called yet.  See, I was supposed to call when we were almost there so they could bring her out.  I used to think she didn't trust me to get things done, now I know exactly what the issue is.  

She has obsessive anxiety.  It's like OCD, but more just like obsessive thoughts about things she has to keep reminding people about.  I realized this because she was bugging the nurses all day long about it.  I had already called by the time she called me and we were out front.  I used to think she was just a crazy bitch (though, she kind of is LOL), but now I know she's severely anxious and obsessive.  

For the first time I saw it wasn't just me she does this to.  The other part of it is that she has be involved in every little thing that's going on.  If she's not, then she gets upset.  Especially if it's about her.  Like, I'm talking to her nurse and she's in the background running her mouth about what I'm saying, so she's getting talked at in both ears.  I wanted to tell the nurse to just leave the room and let her sit there while I tell her what she wanted to know.  But I didn't want to sound like a jerk complaining about her behavior. 

But then today happened. 

Oh good lord, she was in a ripe mood.  She was obsessing all morning about this appointment.  Then we get there, and there's a bus for a nursing home loading up a patient in front of us.  They were being slow, but they have to be, to make sure the patient was secure in the bus and wasn't going to roll around.  But ma was having none of it.  "OH MY GOD!  GEEZUS!  HURRY UP!!"  I kept saying "They haven't brought out the wheelchair yet, so there's no hurry."  She complained and complained and complained. 

And then just opened the fucking door and tried to get out.  

Let me remind you, she only has one usable foot.  Let me also remind you, she is a HUGE fall risk on two feet.  And here she is, trying to hop her ass out of the car (like literally hop--she's obsessed now with hopping, because her PT taught her how to hop on one foot) up the curbing!  I started freaking out and jumped out of the backseat screaming "MA!!  GET BACK IN THE CAR!!!  WHERE ARE YOU EVEN GOING?"  If she steps on her foot that had surgery on, she could mess up everything the surgery did.  She's supposed to stay off of it for at least four weeks. 

So I run around to her side and the nurse with the wheelchair comes out and we both kept saying "You can't lift yourself into a wheelchair up onto a curb, so get back in the car!"  She kept screaming "NO! I CAN DO THIS!  THIS IS WHAT THEY ARE TRAINING ME FOR!  TO DO THINGS BY MYSELF!!"  She's referring to her physical therapy.  And no, they are not "training her" to jump around in a parking lot alone and up a curb.  She has bad knees.  Like, so bad, they go out on her regularly.  So hopping around on a bad knee is just ludicrous.  But she's having a meltdown now, and refuses to get back into the car.  

She was so freaking agitated.  But the nurse told her enough times to get back in the car and she finally did.  The nurse looked at me and widened her eyes at me, and I just threw up my hands and said "ARRRGGGHHH!" and she laughed.  I do like when someone else experiences her behavior.  So it's provable and she can't lie and say she didn't do it, like usual.  

So we get her out, we go inside and now mother is calm, because her meltdowns are pretty "in the moment".  She gets her foot rewrapped and we go to leave and now all the wind is knocked out of her and she's all tuckered out like a little kid after a meltdown.  She's panicky now, and allows me to lift her into the car.  She's freaking out, scared she's going to fall, but I kept telling her "I have you, I will not let you fall, trust me."  And she did.  She has never once let me help her before.  Not once.  She will grab anything but me when she needs help.  Then she started having a laryngeal spasm, and couldn't breathe.  I told her "It's okay, mom, just relax and it will go away faster.  I know it's scary, I get these a lot, but just relax and it will stop."  She did and it stopped and we had a pleasant ride back to the rehab center.  Though as I put her in the car, she grabbed the white strap around her chest, the one the rehab center put on her before she left, the one she asked "Oh do you guys need this back?" and they informed her "No, leave it on until you come back."  So as she grabbed it, she looked down at it and said "Oh, who's is this?"  I said "That's the white strap they use to lift you with."  She said "Yeah, but who's is it?"  She couldn't remember fifteen minutes earlier (it was a FAST appointment) the center telling her to wear it.  I felt so bad when she said that, as it reminded me of my grandmother when she had dementia.

We dropped her off and I took the nurse aside to tell her about her agitation and what she tried to do at the doctor's office and about the phone call a couple days ago about her hopping around her room by herself.  That scared the crap out of her, because she had no idea.  I told her she thought she was pulling one over on you guys but was caught by a nurse and got yelled at.  Apparently nobody told this head nurse about this and she was really worried.  But I also warned her about her agitation, and if it's a part of her dementia, that it could come out randomly. 

So today was a strange day.  We'll have to put the child locks on next week when she gets her stitches out.  I never thought in a million years she'd just try to escape from the car.  At least we were in park and not driving.  Now we have to work on our basement door and get the new doorknob installed so she doesn't try to get down there.  (UPDATE: my hubby took her to this next appointment alone, and she was fine, thank goodness)

Her obsessive behavior is getting worse with her dementia (which also includes her narcissism getting worse, too).  She's always been obsessive, but now it's getting to the point of putting her in danger (though, she's always kind of done dangerous things).  So yay.  Her coming home is going to be a little crazy, and I hope it gets better after she's home for a bit.  But I don't know.  People with dementia tend to have a downward spiral after being put somewhere new, like a home (or with mother, a rehab center), so I have no idea who the person will be who's coming back.  We might have an issue on our hands.  Hopefully not, but we'll see.