Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the kitchen

My mother was angry

And would not stop bitchin'

She wanted a pie

And some ice cream, too

But I was done shopping

I was completely through

So she asked my son

To take her to the store

He said no

So she bitched some more

I said "Hey ma, 

I'm making pumpkin pie"

But that didn't matter,

So she huffed away with a sigh

Now she's spent the entire day

Locked in her room

While the kids cleaned up

Swept the floor with a broom

She won't speak to anyone

From her perch on her chair

Playing seek and find games

With rollers in her hair

She loves control

And being the boss

When she can't, she pouts

So too bad, it's her loss

When she could just be nice

And hang out with the crew

But now she's all alone

Holed up in her room

But it's her choice

And the boys are playing chess

In the kitchen with their dad

And soon we'll have a mess

As I'm making a ham

And a pot of mashed potatoes on the side

Some peas with gravy

And a big 'ol pumpkin pie

Then after dinner

We'll listen to a show

"A Christmas Carol" with Patrick Stewart

Aka Jean Luc Picard as some of you know

Then we'll open our gifts

While we listen to some songs

Today we also got our video doorbell

The calls my phone with a ding-dong

Tomorrow, we eat lasagna

That I make with cheese tortellini

Garlic bread on the side

Hopefully mom won't still be a weenie

Even though her mood swings

Make the holidays suck

Maybe I can ignore it?

And instead, not give a fuck?

Because I can't let her ruin

My mood or our fun

Even though I'm sick

With bad allergies a ton

Because Christmas is not

About how my mother feels

It's about my actual family

And our delicious holiday meals

And it's about the gifts 

That I can't wait for them to open

And it's about my husband getting time off

From work, to stay home and watch some Lo Pan 

(haha that doesn't rhyme! I'm talking about Lo Pan from "Big Trouble in Little China" which is our family movie we watch all the time--that and "The Big Lebowski").  

So, my mom can just chill the fuck out

While we just all do our thing right

Having fun together as the Brooks Family

So Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!