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The Three Types of Childhood in a Narcissistic Parent Dynamic

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I watched this video today and boy, did it really hit the nail on the head.  I really love finding videos that depicts narcissism not only accurately, but when the person really understands narcissism to the point of almost expertise.  Too many therapists today only understand NPD a little, and because of that, are unable to completely help us in a way that actually brings about true and lasting healing.  My last therapist got to the point where he wasn't listening to me anymore and completely reversed his support of me in my mother's and my relationship.  I was so confused.  But that's my issue with therapy: while it can be amazing and life-changing, it's rare because most therapists are narcissists themselves, as narcs gravitate towards positions of power over people they can victimize.  My old therapist's 180 on my issues with my mother was the last straw of the hundreds of indicators he was a narcissist.  He pretended to know so much about NPD, but in the end, he proved he really didn't know much of anything about it at all, about anything.  He just liked to play pretend (he also loved for me to praise him, which was really freaking weird), and act like he knew what I was going through in the beginning, soon his actions started to change and his support for me waned, and he started supporting my mother instead.  This is the second time that has happened.  The other one started to change when she said "Yes, yes, your mother was doing her absolute best with what she had at the time".  After that, everything went downhill.  And now that my insurance doesn't pay for therapy until I pay like a thousand dollars out of pocket first, I refuse to pay a person hundreds of dollars a session whose diagnosing tool for mental illness is getting a quiz off the internet.  Yes, that actually happened. 

So, when I find videos that actually are helpful on YouTube from people who really get it?  I have to come right here and share them with you.  Because sharing is caring, and all that jazz.

So, in this video he explains the three types of daughter/NPD mother relationships.  Those are: 

  • incompetent childhood,

  • isolated childhood, and

  • denied childhood

I assume these can be also applied to sons, as well.  And also narcissistic fathers. 



I will have to say there seems to be more, but I guess many of the things I could come up with could be explained under the umbrella of these three identifications.  Because every time I think of something, I realize it's already been explained in these categories.  

I will have to say that my own childhood was predominantly in the incompetent category, but I do also have the denied childhood as well, as my parents were both pretty erratic in their behavior and both were fairly violent, mostly with words, but also physically, too.  I call it "waiting for the other shoe to drop", and that is still the same to this day.  Which is why I am around 99% grey rock with her.  

What kind of childhood did you have?  Let me know in the comments.  







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Living life with with a narcissistic parent is one of the hardest things a child can do. Because narcissism doesn't stop with mom and dad, it usually bleeds through the entire extended family dymanic. And the abuse travels with us into adulthood, usually either until the narcissist dies or we go no contact. And usually, our abuse is never talked about, for fear of retaliation or judgment. So I am breaking my silence and showing the world what my mother's abuse looks like so maybe others will feel strong enough to do the same.

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Welcome to Healing From Her.


I am a daughter of a narcissistic mother, one of way too many in this world. If you're here, then you're probably the child of one, too. I hope by reading my words someone out there will realize they aren't alone.

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