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Mother's Secret Letter

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"hey friend  my phone is still not working Shay has ordered the part we need, So you get to read my thoughts.   Jamie got me a spade and a cutter. so I am set for gardening  as far as the other thing I dont think it will work cuz I have other cats to use it on too,  DON'T waste your gas, I think walmart should still some, but wait till I get more money, I use the other one sometime??? I will call  you when my phone works till then I can try to email ya      Take care 

                                                                                                          love ya old friend
                                                                                                                             M"


This email was to my mom's BFF Christmas.  Her new thing is to write "hey friend" or to her male friend "hey brother", even though she's never used those phrases in her life before.  This I assume is her dementia.  Though, she does have a habit of adopting a new phrase and then overusing it (and never giving it up--just as you notice the "love ya" at the end of her letter--she adopted that phrase one day many years ago instead of saying "I love you" to anyone ever again--including me--so now it's a phrase she can use with everyone, which means I am lumped into that "everyone" category).  

Now, here's the story behind the email.  

So, last weekend, on the 5th of August, Christmas came over.  My mother had been "shopping" on Walmart for items she knows she's not allowed to buy: like pet meds and pet brushes.  The reason she's not allowed to buy them is that she as no idea how to use either one.  Also, she has no money herself.  I mean, she has money and she gets to buy things all the time, but I have to buy them for her, or else she will buy crazy shit.  Anyways, her friend comes over and when she's leaving she slips a sealed envelope into her friend's purse and whispers "Don't open this until you get home!"  Oh goodness. 

So, apparently the letter said a bunch of crazy shit, like the letter she wrote me recently that I put up on here a few posts ago, and said "Could you please take this money" (there was cash in the envelope--she used her Christmas scratch ticket money she won) "and go buy me some ear mite medication for the cats and a metal cat comb (not the soft kind).  Don't tell Shay!"  So, Christmas goes out and buys these things and calls my mother and tells her she had to drive all over town to get the stuff, because she doesn't have cats and has no idea what these things are.  Then she adds "Why can't I tell Shay?"  Then my mother proceeds to lie to her and tell her that I REFUSE to take care of HER cats, but I will only take MINE to the vet.  Never mind the hundreds of dollars I've spent on her cats. Recently, I did take mine to the vet, but that's not because I was choosing mine over hers.  My cat was truly sick.  Her cats were all fine.  

One time, three years ago, she asked me to get her ear mite meds and I said no, I have to take your cat to the vet, because it could be an ear infection and it was.  So she's taking that instance and saying "She refuses to believe they have ear mites!! I've had cats all my life, I know how to take care of cats!!"  I almost laughed out loud.  Growing up, my cat had raging ear mites, which turned into infections and brown ooze seeped out of his ears. He stayed that way for YEARS until the cat was put down at age 18.  She let the dogs clean him up, which they did several times a day.  They did was she refused to do for her own cat.  Funny, how she blames me for exactly what SHE did.  I bet she doesn't remember that, does she?  

Anyways, I have ear mite medication from the vet and started giving it to her cat, so she shuts the fuck up about it.  Her cat may not even need it, but as long as I use it right, it can't hurt.  I hope.  

Also, isn't allowed to have combs for the cats (or brushes for the dogs) because she RIPS through their fur and pulls out very severe matting on them, that I usually shave off.  She even ripped the fucking brush through my girl (the one we lost in January) so hard that she made her afraid of getting brushed, even though she LOVED getting groomed by me.  I had to put a 100% stop to it after that.  I knew she did it to the cats, but I had no idea she was torturing my dog, too.  My mom is nothing if not rough with everything in her life.  Her hugs feel like steel pressing into your body and they hurt.  Good thing she never hugged me much!

So now, I have to go over to Christmas's house and pick up the items my mother spent her money on so I can keep that shit away from her.  Her BFF is panicking so badly about the entire thing, because she feels my mother put her in a bad place making her do this, and I told her that I wholeheartedly agree.  And her BFF said she'd never allow my mother to make her do anything like that again.  I hope she's strong enough to tell my mother no next time.  

So, my hubby and I have decided, that whenever her friend is going to come over, we are ALL going to sit and hang out together.  No more letting this crazy bitch have alone time with her friends.  If my mother can't stop plotting and planning behind my back, as well as talking shit about me behind my back, then she gets no more play time to give her opportunity to do it again.  We're done.  So, I am going to tell Christmas that from now on we'll have a standing date for her to come over, and we'll have coffee cake all together and make it be like a little party.  Though I will have her come every other week instead of every week, just so we can space out the stress on my dog (my one dog, our newest, HATES strangers and we have to crate him when anyone stops by).  

Well, that's the crazy for August so far.  Let's hope it doesn't get any worse.  Sigh.  


About Post Author

Living life with with a narcissistic parent is one of the hardest things a child can do. Because narcissism doesn't stop with mom and dad, it usually bleeds through the entire extended family dymanic. And the abuse travels with us into adulthood, usually either until the narcissist dies or we go no contact. And usually, our abuse is never talked about, for fear of retaliation or judgment. So I am breaking my silence and showing the world what my mother's abuse looks like so maybe others will feel strong enough to do the same.

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Welcome to Girl Lost.


I am a daughter of a narcissistic mother, one of way too many in this world. If you're here, then you have one too. I hope by reading my words someone out there will realize they aren't alone.

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