Of course she makes it be where it has to be somewhat about her.  Not as bad as her usual self, but still.  I woke up to her cleaning the kitchen.  Something I've told her time and time again NOT to do.  But I let her, because she was using baby wipes and not her usual dirty ass scrubby sponge (that she won't me let me throw away).   Then, she comes to me tell me all about how she cleaned the bathroom.  Something I just recently told her never to do again, not since she threw away my facial cleanser and expensive shampoo (something I never buy for myself, but going through menopause makes my hair AWFUL and I needed something special).  She not only threw these things away, she hid the bottles from me.  Rather than just throw them in the bathroom garbage (where I can see them) or the kitchen garbage (same reason) she hid them somewhere I'd never find them.  And I still haven't.  So, I told her she's no longer allowed to "tidy up" or clean the bathroom in any way for any reason (unless she makes her own mess).  And I explicitly told her to never touch any products in the bathroom again, because she moves things where people can't find them.  

So today, when she told me she did it again, I interrupted her to say "I just told you you're not allowed to that."  She replied "Oh I know, but..." (insert random bullshit here).  I said said "I don't care what you did today, I told you never clean the bathroom again unless you made the mess.  Did I not say that to you?"  "I know but..." (insert random bullshit here).  She just kept ignoring me by saying "I know but..." and inserting more information about how she cleaned the bathroom today.  So I kept interrupting her and saying "But I told you that you're not allowed to" over and over again.  And then I said "Well, I did tell you that I don't want you doing it, so do not do that again.  That's not your stuff to clean or organize.  So please leave it all alone."  She got angry and said "FINE."  Which is silly, because I told her this before.  More than once.  

Then thinking about her cleaning my stove/oven today really pissed me off because it was then I realized she was doing it so she could say she did it, to piss me of even more.  The stove/oven is the one place I REFUSE to let her even entertain cleaning, because she will use things she's used on her dirty toilet to clean it with.  But I said nothing about it.  Let her think she's won.  I don't care.  I just want her to stop.  

So then.....the really fun part happened.  She addressed my son's birthday card to my son by his birthfather's last name.  I looked one look at his card and went into her room and said "Mom!  What is our last name??"  She said "Oh, I addressed the card that way because those are his middle names.  Are they not?"  I said "Mom, you've never addressed people's cards with their middle names."  She just kept babbling on about how it was his middle names...but never once in his life as she ever once done that.  Either it was a total dementia moment, or it was a dig to piss people off.  Also considering that for the first time in my youngest son's life, he just recently told his birthfather off (which you can read about here) and both kids have now completely cut contact with him.  So way to go, Ma.  Making yet another birthday be about you.  

This is the first time she's lashed out at my youngest though.  He's her golden child.  But I guess the dementia means everyone's fair game now.  Or maybe she's just sick of pretending.  

The thing is, I sound like a petty bitch, stating she can't clean up the bathroom or kitchen.  But I have my reasons.  Her touching my stuff triggers the ever loving fuck out of me.  My entire life she's felt she's had control over my stuff.  As a child, she'd not only clean my room when I was at school, but throw everything I loved away.  NEVER ONCE did she say "I am going to help you clean your room.  You can, and I will the hard stuff."  Because that's what you do with an ADHD kid.  You let them clean, but you do all the dumb things like throw away the things they want, or clean the things they find gross.  And you help them organize their stuff.  Not only that, her rules were "my house, my stuff, when you pay rent, then you get to choose".  Well, that sure didn't last, because moving in here, I not only paid rent, but groceries and everything else, and yet, she'd taken my things and either hide them from me (which she did a LOT back in the day) or she'd throw my stuff away.  

I put a stop to it, but it took YEARS to be able to get to that place with her.  And here we are 5 years later, and I am still fighting for the right to not have her have control over my things.  

So, rather than make a new sign (because I am so tired of making them), I am just going to remove my items from her reach by installing a locking doorknob on the closet door.  OR one of those baby doorknobs.  I know her grip strength is bad, but I can't be 100% sure she won't figure it out.  So I think I am going to order a doorknob.  Because this is just bullshit.  And from now on, everything needs to be in the closet, not in the bathroom itself.  

I just went in there and my stuff was EVERYWHERE.  She put everything in the weirdest places and even put garbage up on the shelves.  Yes, she has dementia, and maybe that's why, but since she bragged about it to me, I just don't know.  Like I always say on this blog (and in real life): I ask her twice.  Then I remove the item (or her access to the item) from her reach.  I am not going to play her games of "I do whatever I want just so you'll yell at me!"  Nope.  Now she doesn't get access to my stuff anymore.  

As for the card...I would find it hilarious, but we all know that narcs have ulterior motives for most things they do.  And my ex has been giving my kids grief lately and causing chaos in their lives and this just isn't funny.  

But we'll brush it off and move on.  Because narcs want attention, and we can't give it to them.  We just have to ignore it as much as we can.  

I won't let her antics ruin my son's birthday.