Well, it's almost 2026 and I've been slacking about updating.  I've been pretty busy, so I haven't had time to sit down and think about much of anything, much less be be able to type about it.  

This year has been weird.  Mostly because we actually got snow in winter before January.  We haven't had that in a long while.  It just now all melted, luckily for our basements around here, not all at once.  

We all got sick this year with the rhinovirus and it all hit us differently, the way sicknesses always do anymore.  I don't think my mother got it, which is unusual, but a good thing.  

I got a new therapist.  I think I like her...maybe.  She doesn't stop me having verbal diarrhea, which sucks.  So our last session was me babbling off about my mother, when in reality, I was there for help with my son (though my son's been really, really good lately, I hope this lasts), and her yawning.  That was fun.  She's super nice though.  I just hope she actually interjects something now and then, as I am not there to talk to a wall.  My plan is to be quiet and only say the things I need to say and be MUCH less prolific with my words.  But I was SUPER anxious that day, and when I am anxious, I talk too much. 

My mom has been doing little things, like for one, competing with me about how much the cats love me.  Stupid shit like that.  Nothing that's a big deal.  Sure, in the moment it's aggravating.  I say how much much my cat loves me, and she has to make up some lie about how the cat actually wants her more than me.  It's so silly, that she can't even let an animal love me without her having to horn in on it.  She can't let me have anything.  I think narc moms feel inferior to us, so they have to project their superiority so they can battle their feelings of emptiness.  As though me saying the cat loves me (I didn't say that, I inferred it) is me saying they don't love her.  It's fucking stupid.  She has no idea how to share.  I wish a narcissist could tell us how they actually feel, but since they all do nothing but lie, you can't ask them anything about the truth of how they feel (and any person who claims to be a narcissist is lying, because the #1 fact about a narc is that they will never admit to being a narc).  

So, stuff like that.  I took her to get her haircut, and their website said we have to wait 15 minutes to go in, and she opened the door to the car and yelled "I AM GOING IN!".  Next time, I am going to say that they prefer us to wait in the car because they don't have enough room.  She HATED waiting in the car.  Why?  I have no idea, she's an impatient child.  But she was fine waiting inside.  And of course, since I wasn't he one telling them what to do with her hair, she ended up looking batshit insane.  This was so much worse than previous haircuts, I have no idea what this poor young man was doing.  I could have done the same thing with her hair.  I don't cut women's hair, I do men's (and my son's hair I did recently didn't turn out the way he wanted...so I will say I cut men's SHORT hair...with nothing fancy).  My hubby's haircut recently turned out amazing....but what this man did to my mother's hair made me wonder how the hell he got hired at all.  I think I am done taking her to Great Clips....they always make her look nuts!  It's like they hire people who don't have licenses to cut hair.  

But now she can stop complaining about her hair.  But the moment I finish her list of demands, she makes another list.  And then every single time she sees me, she's asking me to do things on her list.  I am her slave.  But I'd rather be her slave than her emotional punching bag.  So that's something.  

Also, my aunt died.  And nobody told us.  There's not even an obituary online, nor did they have a funeral.  I want to go get a death certificate, but I also don't care enough to want to find out what actually happened.  I just know whenever my mother passes away, I will make sure not to tell them, either.  It's honestly none of their business.  I was never planning on it, but now?  I won't feel bad about it one bit.  Because had my mother not been here?  They'd have never told me.  They act as though I don't exist.  Good.  That makes my clean break from them even easier.  

But here is the biggest thing to happen this month (December): I figured some major shit out.  Like, for me, it's something huge.  And I can't wait to use the information to do something with.  I may write a book about it, or just integrate it into my program (which I've been working on for fifteen years), but most likely both.  And I will be writing a blog post about it.  It's a lot.  And my brain is very overwhelmed with all the info, but I am trying my best to break it down into smaller bits so I can work with it.  

Let's just say, I've figured out the code to narcissism.  The why and how.  

And I can't wait to share it with the world.  

Hope your holidays were peaceful and your new year is filled with beauty.